Homemade Hisssssslarity

It's a sad truth that whatever the project, there will be people who can do it well, and people who delude themselves into thinking they can do it well and then totally bone it up beyond all levels of boned-ness previously imagined. This is true of the most complex feats of engineering, art, and athletisism--obviously. Obviously these soaring human accomplishments will not be equally attainable to all.

But it is also true of the simplest of crafts, the simplest of forms... and that is what breaks my heart, people. Take, if you will, the Snake Pillow. Otherwise known as the Tube of Fail. Otherwise known as the Stuffed Lowest Common Denominator. Even this craft will have both its artist Michaelangelos and its, well, mutant-turtle Michaelangelos.



Here is a well-made Snake Pillow. It's fun! It's brightly colored and festively textured! It probably took longer to create than that kid! Speaking of the kid, I bet she freaking loves flopping around on that thing!





And here is a poorly made Snake Pillow. Or is it a Pepperoni Pillow with eyes? Maybe a Garden Hose Cozy? This is the craft equivalent of tripping over a bucket of paint and calling yourself Jackson Pollack. YOU ROLLED IT INTO A TUBE AND STUCK EYES ON IT, YOU LUMP! FOR SHAME! You are going to embarass the entire suborder of Serpentes into evolving legs just so they can deny involvement in the whole thing.