tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85401692484857781972024-03-13T19:34:31.476+00:00Homemade HilarityAn homage to horrific art projects and misguided handicrafts everywhere.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.comBlogger320125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-41336165112473757992015-02-22T07:59:00.002+00:002015-02-22T07:59:43.822+00:00Carrot footprints<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just... I can't. WHY??? WHAT??? WHAT IS THAT?? Again, WHY?Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-14002598413711581722014-12-16T02:48:00.001+00:002014-12-16T02:48:14.261+00:00It's a Christmas Miracle.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8LSs5u0nh0o/VI-dT8xaGcI/AAAAAAAABtw/51MqHtDH-Oo/s1600/pipe%2Bcleaner%2Bfinger%2Bpuppet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8LSs5u0nh0o/VI-dT8xaGcI/AAAAAAAABtw/51MqHtDH-Oo/s1600/pipe%2Bcleaner%2Bfinger%2Bpuppet.jpg" height="640" width="340" /></a></div>
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Presented without comment. For once.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-81511654926589315932012-05-15T22:52:00.000+01:002012-05-15T22:52:11.002+01:00I Think I Just Barfed A Little Bit In My Mouth.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3OorE6VoIp0/T7LBUph6wTI/AAAAAAAABls/nNXUFKk6EFg/s1600/ceramic+dog+with+real+dog+hair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3OorE6VoIp0/T7LBUph6wTI/AAAAAAAABls/nNXUFKk6EFg/s640/ceramic+dog+with+real+dog+hair.jpg" width="356" /></a></div>
I was curious, I admit, when I saw this fuzzy little thing in the "ceramic" section on <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/91312977/number-4-hand-made-whimsical-ceramic?ref=cat1_gallery_24" target="_blank">ETSY</a>. Too curious. Overly curious. Regretfully curious. Because this fuzzy little thing isn't a needle-felted white poo like I had suspected. Oh no. That would have been almost acceptable. This fuzzy little thing is a, oh god I can't even think about it. I just can't. This makes my stomach feel itchy. Fuck me. It's a ceramic dog covered with glued-on dog hair. <br />
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That's right. Some lady sculpted a "dog (?)" out of who the hell knows what, and then hot-glue-gunned her dog's hair all over it. HER DOG'S HAIR. And let's not forget the little red bow that really brings it all together. Because nothing says "gluing your dog's hair all over an unfortunate ceramic object is perfectly normal and not at all deeply nauseating" like an adorable gingham bow. Hurl.<br />
<br />Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-66769853307438477142012-04-30T23:48:00.000+01:002012-04-30T23:49:56.893+01:00I Kind Of Want A Giant Umbrella Boat Now.I've been feeling a bit stressed out at work recently, but you know what's cheered me up no end? This £99,500 painting of a pair of disembodied, levitating hands reaching out to a very, very pale Michael Jackson riding in a massive umbrella with his children on what I can only assume to be a sea of delusion and perpetual atonement. And this brightens my day.<br />
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<a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/97856935/the-soul-has-no-color?ref=cat1_gallery_35" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="298" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9HxqLtDfb8k/T5771bkHhcI/AAAAAAAABlc/xFRjFH51hTI/s400/michael+jackson+with+his+kids+in+an+umbrella.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Why riding in an umbrella? Why the hell not? Why are his very-much-alive kids with him on this trip down the proverbial River Styx? Because this piece of artistic genius will not be shackled, yes, SHACKLED, by facts. Why £99,500? Because clearly £99,00 wasn't enough but £100,000 was, you know, too much. There are many things that you could say about this artist, but apparently being greedy isn't one of them.</div>Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-20033496491982045982012-04-27T00:36:00.000+01:002012-04-27T00:36:56.570+01:00It Pains Me To Think There May Have Been More Than Two Entrants...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PNM5WFK7v64/T5nWSr1jsWI/AAAAAAAABlQ/sBWxFKXcOMY/s1600/oberon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PNM5WFK7v64/T5nWSr1jsWI/AAAAAAAABlQ/sBWxFKXcOMY/s640/oberon.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
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Apparently third place was a used Q-tip stapled to a oily sock. With a dead kitten inside.<br />
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And just a side-note: I've officially never seen the term "amateur" used so flatteringly. I can think of lots of words to describe this tomfuckery, but "amateur" isn't one of them. I think the word "amateur" still denotes a certain level of aptitude, or a least a person giving half a rat's ass, neither of which are attributes I could honestly level at this artistic genius.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-31585270578999757882012-04-20T23:05:00.000+01:002012-04-20T23:09:40.607+01:00A Guild To Uterus-Flavoured Baked Goods<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So I know what you were thinking this afternoon, somewhere after you smoked the dank fatty but before you watched the third episode of "The Big Bang Theory": you thought "Damn, I could really go for some Uterus Cookies". I know. I've been there. We've all been there. The problem is, though, that you can't really purchase uterus cookie for human consumption, even in the back aisles at Trader Joe's. Again, I know. I've been there. So what to do? Why, create your own, of course! So, in order to aid your filthy, filthy obsession, I came up with a handy pocket guide to refer to when making your very own gynecological baked goods.</div>
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Tip 1: Do not just use an inverted penis cookie cutter. Or an upper-case "T" cookie cutter. Or a non-inverted penis cookie cutter turned upside down. It just isn't the same shape as a uterus. It just doesn't do the uterus justice. And for fuck's sake, don't be sloppy with the icing:</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9xgIwBH2tDg/T5HMzf1uS_I/AAAAAAAABkg/Kq-0qzYAeKM/s1600/IUD+cookie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9xgIwBH2tDg/T5HMzf1uS_I/AAAAAAAABkg/Kq-0qzYAeKM/s400/IUD+cookie.jpg" width="323" /></a></div>
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Tip 2: You may want to reconsider adding unborn children. I'm not saying that foetuses are unappetising, but, you know, they're kind of unappetising. Kinda kills the buzz. Kinda brings you down. Kinda makes you want to hurl. That's all I'm saying:</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QV_v5gfd9vc/T5HM1PXxN4I/AAAAAAAABko/s2pl5g75V_o/s1600/unborn+baby+uterus+cookie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="390" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QV_v5gfd9vc/T5HM1PXxN4I/AAAAAAAABko/s2pl5g75V_o/s400/unborn+baby+uterus+cookie.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Tip 3: It's great to be anatomically correct, but there may be a limit, especially if your piping skills are lacking (read: terrible), and especially when you're not sure how many ovaries the average woman possesses (read: two). If you're unsure, consider the following example of what a uterus, most definitely, does not look like:</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-og9B4j2KJ6s/T5HCVImBrvI/AAAAAAAABkY/QilVv9N7VTw/s1600/uterus+cookie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-og9B4j2KJ6s/T5HCVImBrvI/AAAAAAAABkY/QilVv9N7VTw/s400/uterus+cookie.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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So that's about it, folks. I support your uterus-cookie-wanting ways, and I don't hate, I celebrate. But please, let's keep it realistic. The next time your stoned ass wants to eat something placenta-oriented, at least do it justice, and for reference:<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wky8GRfbe3A/T5Hc5Kxd-cI/AAAAAAAABkw/d9Aq6Yzagak/s1600/uterus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wky8GRfbe3A/T5Hc5Kxd-cI/AAAAAAAABkw/d9Aq6Yzagak/s400/uterus.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-28650995678490953882012-04-18T23:35:00.003+01:002012-04-19T00:06:28.842+01:00You Couldn't KEEP Me Away!Oh, <a href="http://tinkering.exploratorium.edu/open-make-trash/" target="_blank">Exploratorium</a>, you golden-domed golden-gated institution of learning and exploration and golden opportunities for children of all ages, I had no idea you also dabbled in surrealist garbage-stained trash puppets. How was I to know you have a deep-rooted interest in pond-liner-bodied, garden-twine-waisted, wooden-dumbbell-mouthed, old-argyle-sweater-armed, car-rag-haired childrens' dolls? Except for the fact that yes, you advertised it:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jr-6sO1JmU4/T430l90YU1I/AAAAAAAABkQ/IplFyCm3QP4/s1600/trash+puppet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jr-6sO1JmU4/T430l90YU1I/AAAAAAAABkQ/IplFyCm3QP4/s400/trash+puppet.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><blockquote class="tr_bq"><span style="background-color: #fcfbf9; font-family: museo-sans-1, museo-sans-2, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">"Visit the SCRAP table and use fabric, buttons and toys discarded by local businesses to create a Trash Puppet. Come with a character in mind or make one that looks like you! We’ll attach a pencil to the puppet’s arm so you can make your puppet come to life."</span></blockquote>You'll attach a pencil? Well, I don't say. A whole pencil? With an eraser and everything? To my very own trash doll? Will the finery never cease? Count me in, <a href="http://tinkering.exploratorium.edu/open-make-trash/" target="_blank">Exploratorium</a>, count me in.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-36490278762054870542012-04-17T00:02:00.000+01:002012-04-20T23:12:35.550+01:00COME ONNow I'm not going to say that this Jesus light switch has an ill-placed light switch, but I will throw it out there that this Jesus light switch has an ill-placed light switch.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3rxyANQZB2Y/T4yj6bO_fHI/AAAAAAAABkI/Nce0Z2vokdk/s1600/jesus+light+switch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3rxyANQZB2Y/T4yj6bO_fHI/AAAAAAAABkI/Nce0Z2vokdk/s640/jesus+light+switch.jpg" width="329" /></a></div>
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Seriously, this Jesus light switch has an ill-placed light switch. It brings a whole new meaning to the term "glory hole".</div>
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I'm going straight to hell, aren't I. I doubt I'll pass go, and I'm certainly not collecting $100.</div>Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-83447714373290079082012-04-15T17:13:00.000+01:002012-04-15T17:13:24.755+01:00Whoa Everyone, Just Whoa.Sorry I disappeared for about two years there, everyone. I suppose I should have left a note, or sent a postcard, or at least called the kids on Christmas or something, but it's kind of a funny story really. No, no, I'll tell you all about it later. I can see you're busy with your new favourite website and I wouldn't really want to interfere. I'm just stopping through to let you know that I'm back around and that I'm really going to make something of myself this time. No, seriously. I'm going to get myself cleaned up, maybe design a new header, just get the whole website organized, try to make you and the kids real proud of me again. Here; just to show my dedication I even brought you a new crapft:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-puFCirHzfVE/T4rv1fi-RSI/AAAAAAAABj8/kH-t3CRJ7YQ/s1600/bandaid+people.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-puFCirHzfVE/T4rv1fi-RSI/AAAAAAAABj8/kH-t3CRJ7YQ/s400/bandaid+people.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
See! See how much I care! I BROUGHT YOU A CARTOON COUPLE MADE OUT OF BANDAIDS, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! LOVE ME!!!111<br />
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Okay, I'm cool, I'm cool. I just, you know, care. So I'm gonna go now, but I'll be back. Go ahead and tell your parents that I haven't died, and I'm going to make it all okay this time. Tell them that.<br />
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One thing before I go, though - can you loan me 50 bucks until Tuesday? I'm good for it this time, I swear.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-49987141914100426712010-03-05T23:57:00.000+00:002010-03-05T23:57:46.776+00:00So Here's The Story, Morninglory<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S5GaSawWaMI/AAAAAAAABjk/O4AJKVNxWsc/s1600-h/hppycrppygrmppy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S5GaSawWaMI/AAAAAAAABjk/O4AJKVNxWsc/s320/hppycrppygrmppy.jpg" /></a></div><br />
I just wanted to post a quick update on here for everyone who's been wondering what the hell just happened to me. Basically, I got sick. I got real sick. I got acute tonsillitis which turned into septecemia, which I'm still fighting off. So don't worry - I'm on all sorts of meds, but I'm basically just really exhausted. All the freaking time. So just bear with me, my lambs, and I seriously hope to be 100% as soon as possible. And then we'll bring back teh awesome.<br />
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I also wanted to throw it out there that if anyone wants to do some guest posts in the meantime, please just email me at mizzdrake@hotmail.com and let me know, and we'll see what we can work out. <br />
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<3,<br />
JuliaJulia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-38554095842573170772010-02-14T23:39:00.003+00:002010-02-14T23:40:52.831+00:00Quartopus<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S3iEpeVQ23I/AAAAAAAABjc/i-Q0dQk6B_g/s1600-h/oktopus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S3iEpeVQ23I/AAAAAAAABjc/i-Q0dQk6B_g/s320/oktopus.jpg" /></a></div>Hmm... something, something is not right here. Can't.. quite... put my finger on it.... ...<br />
It just feels, you know, like something integral to the very fabric of what makes an octopus an octopus may be missing here....<br />
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But I quite like the disgruntled expression. It looks like he just hiccupped and farted a little bit at the same time. That's always attractive in a crocheted aquatic animal.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-61022645616360028862010-02-03T01:48:00.001+00:002010-02-03T01:49:04.860+00:00Yes. An Adult Made This. Proudly.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S2jTzrPUxTI/AAAAAAAABjU/SxTNBE1bgSc/s1600-h/yarnfriend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S2jTzrPUxTI/AAAAAAAABjU/SxTNBE1bgSc/s400/yarnfriend.jpg" width="400" /></a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My understanding is that wine coolers had nothing to do with this. So there's really no excuse. </div>Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-74442229402148565482010-01-27T03:28:00.000+00:002010-01-27T03:29:56.300+00:00How to Look Unbelieveably Awesome, Part 4I know, I know. I've been negligent. I'm a bad, bad lady. You can stop sending the sad-face emails. I get it. I've done the internet equivalent of leaving my dog/baby/husband in the car for a week during the summer with the windows rolled up. And nothing but Mountain Dew to drink. But I'm back, at the very least showing my face to claim the carcass of whatever may be left of my lovely website. And to show my undying devotion to you, my lovely and patient readers, I'm going to present you with one of my favourite tutorials ever. EVER. I forgot where I found it, but it shows, concisely, how to make yer own haute couture using the jeans you got too fat for years ago.<br />
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Here we go! Step one: grab your old jeans (you know, the ones you were only able to wear for one season back in '05)<br />
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Step 2: Cut these, uh, shapes, out of the denim. These non-matching, dirty-looking shapes. Don't worry - you're 90% of the way there.<br />
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Step 3: Sew together haphazardly, preferably without adding a lining or even a back of any sort, and try to fray the edges as much as possible for a truly classy look. Remember: sideboob is god's gift to prebubescent boys!<br />
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Taa-da! That, my friends, is how to look unbelieveably awesome in just three easy steps.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-43050090984212754832010-01-20T01:07:00.001+00:002010-01-20T01:08:01.505+00:00Tits or ass? Well, I'll tell you.Hi guys! Sorry I've been away for a few days. I've been, you know, doing things. Rescuing orphaned kittens. Saving babies. Helping old ladies cross the road. Trying to find a real job that actually pays real money. That kind of thing. But I'm back, and ready to make fun of more well-meaning crafters.<br />
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Anyway, today we're going to take a look at this:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S1ZUW6_U5HI/AAAAAAAABi0/V7M1NG_i4w8/s1600-h/spongeboob.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S1ZUW6_U5HI/AAAAAAAABi0/V7M1NG_i4w8/s400/spongeboob.jpg" /></a><br />
</div> If you said "Jiminy Christmas, that looks like Sponge<i>boob </i>Squarepants" then you would be correct. Because it is. Quite pointedly.<br />
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I love a crafter with a good immature pun. I just hope I can find a homemade "Lady-boy and the Tramp" magnet for next week.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-71298786602709624852010-01-12T00:58:00.000+00:002010-01-12T00:59:03.954+00:00When is a sock not a sock?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0vHhlfJfPI/AAAAAAAABf8/u3SvbmSU3Ts/s1600-h/delia.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0vHhlfJfPI/AAAAAAAABf8/u3SvbmSU3Ts/s400/delia.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5425649555910262002" /></a><br /><br />When it's sewn shut, given a Hot-Topic arm-band neck, had its "Hello Kitty" insignias used as eyeballs, and being sold for $20 on Etsy. Then it's just a piece of shit.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-75587107822351895682010-01-07T21:07:00.001+00:002010-01-07T21:08:38.588+00:00Deja BoobOhmygodyouguys... Remember that <a href="http://homemadehilarity.blogspot.com/2009/05/camo-and-boobs-together-at-last.html">camo boob blanket</a> I posted way back when? Yeah. I had noooo idea it was part of a matching set until yesterday, when I came across <a href="http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37784222">this</a>:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0ZK_EikX8I/AAAAAAAABZc/mdv_qqJUYn4/s1600-h/pillowcamo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0ZK_EikX8I/AAAAAAAABZc/mdv_qqJUYn4/s400/pillowcamo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5424105248625287106" /></a><br /><br />Which doesn't exactly prove my point until you flip it over and get a face fulla these big ol' rubber baby buggy bumpers:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0ZK-9tmEMI/AAAAAAAABZU/bmCx2k-AUiQ/s1600-h/pillowboobs.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0ZK-9tmEMI/AAAAAAAABZU/bmCx2k-AUiQ/s400/pillowboobs.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5424105246792487106" /></a><br /><br />Somewhere, deep down, in the furthest recesses of my cold, insignificant heart, I actually really love this. It looks comfortable as hell.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-9628942607771686202010-01-04T23:14:00.000+00:002010-01-04T23:14:40.991+00:00I'm back, and bitchier than ever!!!Welcome back, everyone!! Did you lot have a great holiday? I know I sure did. In between getting drunk, eating pies, getting drunk, opening presents, and getting drunk, I spent my time knitting attractive tea cozies:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0Jl8uhTxBI/AAAAAAAABZM/nC4CvCvpowg/s1600-h/teacozy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 385px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0Jl8uhTxBI/AAAAAAAABZM/nC4CvCvpowg/s400/teacozy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423008995261793298" /></a><br /><br />posting tutorials on cutoutandkeep.net on <a href="http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/projects/paper-towel-holder-to-yarn-holder">how to wrap yarn around paper towel tubes</a>:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0Jl8MEsipI/AAAAAAAABZE/Fe4mHR-LRd0/s1600-h/papertowel.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 298px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0Jl8MEsipI/AAAAAAAABZE/Fe4mHR-LRd0/s400/papertowel.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423008986014976658" /></a><br /><br />recreating the Chicago skyline out of gingerbread:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0Jl71_jbqI/AAAAAAAABY8/38PdFe2z_Fs/s1600-h/gingerbreadchicago.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 351px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0Jl71_jbqI/AAAAAAAABY8/38PdFe2z_Fs/s400/gingerbreadchicago.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423008980087828130" /></a><br /><br />and making an edible <a href="http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/projects/uss-gingerprise-x-mas-star-trek-cookie-ship">USS Enterprise</a>:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0JljhtErhI/AAAAAAAABY0/VDQRKeGH2rU/s1600-h/Gingerprise.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 278px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/S0JljhtErhI/AAAAAAAABY0/VDQRKeGH2rU/s400/Gingerprise.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423008562324745746" /></a><br /><br />No. But I did meet George Takei the day after Christmas. Which was just about the best thing that happened to me last decade. I think we might be getting married.<br /><br />So what the hell did you get up to? Any fabulous stories to share?Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-3288722523498294962009-12-24T05:28:00.001+00:002009-12-24T05:30:01.505+00:00We Have a Winner!!Yes, I know everyone on here is a big loser, but "The Biggest Loser" was already taken. Go figure. So we have a winner! The biggest winner!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzL4N7Pa8qI/AAAAAAAABXM/85z6URpHTwo/s1600-h/glow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzL4N7Pa8qI/AAAAAAAABXM/85z6URpHTwo/s200/glow.jpg" /></a><br />
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And somebody actually guessed correctly what the fuck this glowing Jesus baby is all about: <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/msunflower">Msunflower</a>! Because it's a <a href="http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36830426">glow-in-the-dark Baby Jesus Soap-on-a-rope</a>. Why you need your baby jesuses glowing, soapy and ropey is beyond me, but <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/msunflower">Msunflower</a> guessed correctly. So (s)he wins my undying love (I know, I'm easy). So, uh, (s)he wins! How the hell (s)he knew what it was, I have no idea. Maybe (s)he has one. I suppose there's nothing like rubbing your nalgas down first thing in the morning wuth a glowing sudsy baby Jesus. Anyway, congrats!<br />
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BTW - if you're not following me on facebook yet, click the link in the right-hand-side bar, and it'll be taken care of. Same for twatter.<br />
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PS: <a href="http://www.fanboywife.blogspot.com/">Fanboy Wife</a> gets the runner-up for also guessing correctly, but guessing late. Sucks to be you.<br />
PPS: My favourite answer was given by Haley. So you also win. Kinda. You're a winner to me.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-66339126468242120792009-12-24T01:28:00.001+00:002009-12-24T01:29:58.624+00:00Humpday Roundup<a href="http://www.unfinishedrambler.com/2009/12/special-xmas-edition-of-wtf-wordless.html" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzLC1UyUeTI/AAAAAAAABXE/Il5-yPJG8u8/s200/reindeer.jpg" width="94" /></a><br />
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Waaaay creepy reindeer at <a href="http://www.unfinishedrambler.com/2009/12/special-xmas-edition-of-wtf-wordless.html">Unfinished Rambler</a><br />
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<a href="http://craftfail.com/?p=779" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="72" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzLAjx-6lFI/AAAAAAAABW8/b3AeJ4JTaYs/s200/bars-close-up.jpg" width="97" /></a><br />
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Bland cat puke with tub caulk at <a href="http://craftfail.com/?p=779">CraftFail</a><br />
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<a href="http://etsywtf.com/2009/12/17/not-quite-the-dogs-bollocks/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="118" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzK_xowVrEI/AAAAAAAABW0/kshJARxqOV0/s200/dog-butt-cover.jpg" width="94" /></a><br />
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Dog asshole cover at <a href="http://etsywtf.com/2009/12/17/not-quite-the-dogs-bollocks/">Etsy WTF</a> <br />
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<a href="http://craftastrophe.net/2009/12/trailer-trash-barbie-belongs-on-the-jersey-shore/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="109" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzK-5KvdYWI/AAAAAAAABWs/cG5xnXgRi70/s200/trailer-trash-barbie.jpg" width="94" /></a><br />
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Trailer-trash barbie at <a href="http://craftastrophe.net/2009/12/trailer-trash-barbie-belongs-on-the-jersey-shore/">Craftastrophe</a> <br />
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<a href="http://whatnottocrochet.wordpress.com/2009/12/17/special-delivery-at-the-whoville-yarn-store/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="80" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzK-BcWq0WI/AAAAAAAABWk/rJ3QLoDFDuI/s200/grinch-fashion.jpg" width="96" /></a><br />
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God-awful knitwear at <a href="http://whatnottocrochet.wordpress.com/2009/12/17/special-delivery-at-the-whoville-yarn-store/">What Not To Crochet</a>Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-19821667681062177852009-12-23T02:25:00.000+00:002009-12-23T02:27:09.463+00:00Lookit! How Cool Am I?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzF-d0lH7eI/AAAAAAAABWc/QOG116ysmMo/s1600-h/Christmas_Cover2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzF-d0lH7eI/AAAAAAAABWc/QOG116ysmMo/s320/Christmas_Cover2.jpg" /></a><br />
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So I'm finally making some changes around here, as you may have noticed. I'm doing my darndest to make this site a bit more user-friendly and attractive, and I hope you approve! There's still a lot more to come, but if there's anything you want to see specifically, just let me know in the comments.<br />
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Also, if you haven't ventured a guess yet in yesterday's "<a href="http://homemadehilarity.blogspot.com/2009/12/another-what-hell-is-this-competition.html">What The Hell Is This?</a>" competition, you still gots time.<br />
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<3,<br />
JuliaDJulia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-3869570837554145062009-12-22T17:51:00.001+00:002009-12-22T17:52:44.518+00:00Another What The Hell Is This? Competition - Christmas Special<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzEFABgCptI/AAAAAAAABWU/_SFFe0RWmpw/s1600-h/glowjesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzEFABgCptI/AAAAAAAABWU/_SFFe0RWmpw/s320/glowjesus.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>Alright folks: what the hell do you think this is? And I need you to be specific. Because it's obviously glowing. But what do you think it's for? I'll print the answer, along with the best guesses, tomorrow!Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-32790906089373233022009-12-22T02:39:00.000+00:002009-12-22T02:40:33.814+00:00Seriously - What's Going On With All The Angry Jesuses?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzAwlRG2qtI/AAAAAAAABWM/cdtzSPLGOiM/s1600-h/felttortillajesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/SzAwlRG2qtI/AAAAAAAABWM/cdtzSPLGOiM/s320/felttortillajesus.jpg" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And where would we be in this most festive of seasons, my kind and gentle readers, without the obligatory <a href="http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37109271">Angry Felt Tortilla Jesus</a>? Nowhere, I tell you. Nowhere.<br />
</div>Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-72059362567202774182009-12-21T18:42:00.002+00:002009-12-21T18:46:31.903+00:00W.W.C.J.D? (What Would Crocheted Jesus Do?)Continuing our countdown to Jesus' birthday, I bring you my favourite Jesus ever (EVER):<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/Sy-1t1_r62I/AAAAAAAABWE/cdHbf6yF3yk/s1600-h/etoorderjesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/Sy-1t1_r62I/AAAAAAAABWE/cdHbf6yF3yk/s400/etoorderjesus.jpg" /></a><br />
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Yay! <a href="http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37102087">Happy crochet googley-eyed Jesus!</a> With less-than a nose (hah! see what I did there?) and a penchant for chocolate cake, evidently. So what would crocheted Jesus do? Give you a big chocolatey hug while simultaneously poking you with his eyeball, obviously.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-43887069004439990342009-12-20T23:14:00.001+00:002009-12-20T23:24:06.358+00:00Don't Get Jesus Angry. You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Angry. (NSFW)<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So I've been holding onto various Jesus crapfts I've come across recently, just waiting for the right time to permanently ruin some retinas as well as my soul. Given that this is the run-up to the Big Guy's birthday, I thought this would be the obvious time to share my goodies. Now, before I start getting death-threats, I do want to point out that I'm only going to be cruely mocking the<i> quality</i> of said Jesus crapfts, not mocking your religion itself and everything you stand for and worship in life. There's a difference. That said, expect to see some spectacularly bad Jesus paraphanalia in the next couple days. It'll be a Holiday Jesus Extravaganza! <br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23513911" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/Sy6i-Op306I/AAAAAAAABUs/VXlDo2lvRhc/s320/vale.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>This true masterpiece of modern art was painted by a guy named <a href="http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23513911">Vale</a> (on ETSY), and although he doesn't seem to feel the need to explain why his Jesus is packin' some serious wedding tackle but completely lacking in the nipple department, he fortunately <i>does</i> feel the need to share his, well, motivation. And it's not crazy in the least :<br />
<blockquote style="color: #741b47;">"Inspired by my on suffering.<br />
symbolicaly it represents my williness to suffer or even die before i give up in what i believe. Like a true revolutionary i would sacrifice myself in order to further a cause or personal freedom."<br />
</blockquote>Ah yes. You know, I've been telling people for years that this <a href="http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23513911">Vale</a> character is a true revolutionary - a voice of my generation even. He's really defining martyrdom, I say, one angry hulk Jesus peen at a time. And at only $75, this historic piece of artwork is a steal!Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8540169248485778197.post-60099559975055451992009-12-20T01:35:00.000+00:002009-12-20T01:35:21.736+00:00You Got a Little Something... Right there... No... On Your Nose... No.. On the Right...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/Sy1-0z71DXI/AAAAAAAABUk/ZynQvZ6coS8/s1600-h/etsyowl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YTDDwkTWNYU/Sy1-0z71DXI/AAAAAAAABUk/ZynQvZ6coS8/s320/etsyowl.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>Aaaaaaand <a href="http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=19317412&ref=fp_feat_2">this</a> was on the ETSY frontpage. I give up. They're just handing it to me at this point.Julia Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03834747860733704232noreply@blogger.com9