One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Ew fish

You know, just the other day I was telling my pool boy that if only I had a giant, badly-sewn, big-lipped fish pillow to cuddle with on those lonely, cold, 7-martini nights, my life would feel more complete. Or, at least, more completely awesome. Because frankly, this giant, badly-sewn, big-lipped fish pillow is fucking RIdiculous. With an capital R and a capital I for added emphasis, let's be frank.

Unfortunately, the crafter seems inordinately proud of their monstrosity, regardless of the fact that it looks like the missing evolutionary freaking link between the mattress and the dolphin. I dare you, seriously dare you to read what they've written about their most excellent handiwork without smacking your forehead in disbelief:

"All of the pieces were cut from old clothes and then sewn on to a pillow case. I sewed everything--EVERYTHING-- by hand. It took a heck of a lot of patience on my part, so be careful..."

Yes, my gentle readers, "be careful". About what, pray-tell, I have no idea. Just, you know, watch out. In general. It's over-all lovelyness is so extraordinary you could very well be blinded by its beauty. Truly, you could find yourself contemplating suicide just by glimpsing the sheer magnitude of its extensive and awe-inspiring hand-sew-ed-ness (how do you like that for a quilifying adjective). In fact, better yet, if you haven't managed to see the picture yet, just do yourself a favour and avert your eyes altogether. You'll thank me later.