Saturday, 4 July 2009

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Ew fish

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You know, just the other day I was telling my pool boy that if only I had a giant, badly-sewn, big-lipped fish pillow to cuddle with on those lonely, cold, 7-martini nights, my life would feel more complete. Or, at least, more completely awesome. Because frankly, this giant, badly-sewn, big-lipped fish pillow is fucking RIdiculous. With an capital R and a capital I for added emphasis, let's be frank.

Unfortunately, the crafter seems inordinately proud of their monstrosity, regardless of the fact that it looks like the missing evolutionary freaking link between the mattress and the dolphin. I dare you, seriously dare you to read what they've written about their most excellent handiwork without smacking your forehead in disbelief:
"All of the pieces were cut from old clothes and then sewn on to a pillow case. I sewed everything--EVERYTHING-- by hand. It took a heck of a lot of patience on my part, so be careful..."
Yes, my gentle readers, "be careful". About what, pray-tell, I have no idea. Just, you know, watch out. In general. It's over-all lovelyness is so extraordinary you could very well be blinded by its beauty. Truly, you could find yourself contemplating suicide just by glimpsing the sheer magnitude of its extensive and awe-inspiring hand-sew-ed-ness (how do you like that for a quilifying adjective). In fact, better yet, if you haven't managed to see the picture yet, just do yourself a favour and avert your eyes altogether. You'll thank me later.

5 comments:

  1. What a total vision of loveliness that is!! You know that people will want it ...

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  2. Oddly, the lips seem to be the most well-sewn of everything. And that's not sayin' much.

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  3. Well, you can give someone a pillow fish and they will just be freaked out, but you can teach them to sew a pillow fish and they will be freaky for the rest of their life.

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  4. Nothing says "good nights sleep" like a pair of swollen vag lips on your pillowcase!

    ReplyDelete

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