Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Redefining Cuteness and Socks


This is described as a "cute knitted puppet".

I will stipulate to "knitted". But I object -- strenuously -- to both "cute" and "puppet".

A vaguely obloid shape into which you can insert your hand does not a "puppet" define, even with that oh-so-convincing cheeky grin and the thousand-yard green-baize stare. My oven-mitt makes a more convincing puppet, and it doesn't have a face. And I don't even own an oven-mitt.

Our second dactylo-craft puzzles the shit out of me:

This is the "Living Dead Sock Glove" (which would match so well with my "Zombie Trouser Hat" and "Vampire Sweater Shoes").

Leaving aside my prejudice against BUTTONS for EYES (even for depictions of the undead), this is, bottom line, a glove made from a sock and transformed into a puppet.

So is it a glove puppet or a sock puppet? There would be a fascinating symantic and philosophical discussion to be had there, I'm sure, if it were not for the unavoidable fact that it is in any case useless as a puppet.

Here are some of the instructions that caused my confusion:

1. Cut the toe and leg part off a sock but leave some of the elastic part from the leg part.

2. Now cut a piece of the heel side for your thumb. Don't worry if it's too big. You can sew it up after. In fact you'll more than likely have to take in the sock from that side to better fit the contours of your hand anyway.

3. Now on the toe end sew the sock together in three spots to create four holes for your fingers.

Right. Alternatively - and here's the thing - just use a freaking GLOVE in the FIRST place.

G. Henry


  1. Wow...
    I just daydreamed the 'artisan' that made the 'Living Dead Sock Glove' was saying, 'I'll know Mr. Sockeyface like the back o' ma hand, I will, and you'll too if'n you make ma angry.' Not sure why I attributed a Scottish accent, lol...

  2. Even I could have made those monstrousities and I am soooo not crafty...then again, the people who made them were obvioulsy not, either.

  3. People do go to great lengths to appease their sock fetishes.


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