Dear Sweet Merciful Jesus in Fancy Pants, This Is Just So Wrong

So I recently got an email from David D. alerting me to the full extent of Hello Kitty's horrific takeover of the modern world, specifically their hostile assimilation of the pet-clothing market, which I must admit I thought ended about ten years ago. I really had no idea. And, while these Hello Kitty pet accessories (including necklaces, collars, brushes, and the like) may not be homemade, they are definitely hilarious. Take this pet hood for example:


If that doesn't look like a massive stuffed animal puking up a mildly retarded dog head first then I don't know what does. I also fail to see the point of it, really. Is it a hat? Is it a helmet? Is it an homage to unnecessary jackassery? Inquiring minds want to know.

David D also sent me a link to this little gem, a company that just happens to sell bathing suits for dogs. Let me repeat that: this is a bathing suit... for a dog. A bathing suit. For your dog. A bikini, as a matter of fact. Because obviously, your yorkie has a massive pair of knockers s/he'd like to keep covered up while still being able to get a full-body tan while lounging by the pool with a mojito.


So then, after seeing that last picture, I thought to myself "Surely, dog bikinis don't really exist. Surely, this is the only one." Oh, how wrong I was. After a bit of research, I came across this next photo, which, if I recall correctly, elicited a gasp from me the likes of which have never been previously seen.
And trust me, this isn't a joke: I really couldn't come up with this kind of crazy.

Although, to be fair, this may very well be a prairie dog. Or a gopher, for that matter. It could quite possibly be a patriotic gopher bikini. With padded tits. God bless America.