Tuesday, 12 May 2009
This is an open letter to anyone planning on getting married. Ever.
(Please excuse the all-caps. I am not yelling, I am just typing loudly.)
Dear unmarried peoples of the world:
CAMO IS NOT AN OPTION FOR YOUR WEDDING FINERY. AT LEAST, IT SHOULDN'T BE. IT IS INAPPROPRIATE. INAPPROPRIATE, I TELL YOU, UNLESS YOU PLAN ON HUNTING DOWN AND KILLING YOUR SPOUSE AT THE RECEPTION AND YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO SEE YOUR GARTER BELT COMING. IN WHICH CASE, YOU SHOULD ALSO CONSIDER RUBBING YOURSELF DOWN WITH THEIR URINE FIRST, WHICH WILL, I'M TOLD, MASK YOUR OWN ODOR LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO GET RIGHT UP BEHIND THEM SO YOU CAN GET A CLEAR SHOT. THAT IS THE ONLY SITUATION IN WHICH CAMOUFLAGE WEDDING ACCESSORIES ARE IN ANY WAY ACCEPTABLE. DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THEY ARE HIDEOUS.
DESPITE WHATEVER THIS SITE MAY HAVE YOU BELIEVE.
Thanks for listening. It needed to be said.
p.s.: shit-coloured roses probably aren't the best idea either, just so you know.