Sunday, 20 September 2009

Dear God I Hope I Don't Get Sued.

So I don't mean to get on a fashion kick lately, but there's just so much of this shit, given that the new collections just rolled out. And by "it" I mean "hideous crap" and by "new collections" I mean "Major Fashion Houses that Should Know Better." And I just had to share this little gem I came across earlier today on

For those of you not in the UK, The Sun is a "newspaper" that focuses on "important" "news items" from around the nation in a "non-biased" and totally "cerebral manner" (read: a glorified English News Of The Weird that interviews the likes of the utterly unimportant and totally inconsequential like Katie Price and Peaches Geldof. Seriously, for your own sanity, please don't click the hotlinks. Save yourself, my tender Americans. Save yourselves.)

Anyway, I was perusing this most important of news sources yesterday, and unwittingly stumbled across the most bewildering of columns: A how-to for expensive home-made fashion. As I'm sure you are already well-aware, I am no fan of the idiotic tutorial, and to find this with the thrown-in high-class factor made me positively giddy with delight. And pointed laughter. But mostly delight.

So here we go - the step-by-step totorial to creating a Ben De Lisi - like shirt. Enjoy the crazy.

Food-splattered shirt

Designer version (on the left): £1,000 by Ben De Lisi

Sun version (on the right): FREE

You will need:

An old white shirt, a bit of net curtain, red wine, green pesto, tomato ketchup, make-up, glue, scissors.

Step 1:

Cut the net curtain in circles and glue to shirt wrists.

Step 2:

Splatter ketchup, pesto, wine and make-up on the shirt until it's dirty.

Et finis

And you know what? I don't even know what to tell you. Take an old button-down and rub it with ketchup and baby vomit and suddely it's high fashion, I guess. Half of me is saying "wow, that's disgusting" and the other half is saying "finally, I have a use for all those shirts I've drunkenly puked on. Win."

Click here for more amazing fashion advice!! Thanks The Sun!


  1. Wait, I thought the object was NOT to get lunch on your white shirt? Drat, I've been doing this wrong for years. . .

  2. Your headline cracked me up! I think The Suns gone mad or maybe my fashion sense is outdated.

  3. Shit my kids are all fashion forward and didn't even know it!

  4. or you could walk into a middle school cafeteria during lunch hour and shout 'food fight!'

  5. i think i gagged a bit. blech.

  6. You can tell the difference tho- it's the attention to detail on the de Lisi shirt and the Sun also forgot to put a hefty pile of BS on their version.

  7. He he he...

    Hey JD do you have day job? SERIOUSLY I think you Hilarity book just in tme for Christmas. It'd take a while, but you've got some time then get your head donw and get writing. This site is HILARIOUS and there's no reason why a book wouldn't be just as good!!!

    A big fan!

  8. Man, that shit's so bad.

  9. I don't know much about women's fashions or anything, but those are both absolutely fantastic dresses even with the stains on them!!!

  10. Oh..... thats why you like them because they're SHIRTS with NO PANTS .....I don't think anyones even looking at the bloody designer stains. It's just wasted on men.........

  11. They need to spatter them with some food. They should chunk some some Whoppers, and some Pizza, plus a bag of chips at 'em, too before they pass out from anemia.


  12. All my clothes look like this... that's why I'm so fashionable.


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