Dear God I Hope I Don't Get Sued.

So I don't mean to get on a fashion kick lately, but there's just so much of this shit, given that the new collections just rolled out. And by "it" I mean "hideous crap" and by "new collections" I mean "Major Fashion Houses that Should Know Better." And I just had to share this little gem I came across earlier today on TheSun.co.uk.

For those of you not in the UK, The Sun is a "newspaper" that focuses on "important" "news items" from around the nation in a "non-biased" and totally "cerebral manner" (read: a glorified English News Of The Weird that interviews the likes of the utterly unimportant and totally inconsequential like Katie Price and Peaches Geldof. Seriously, for your own sanity, please don't click the hotlinks. Save yourself, my tender Americans. Save yourselves.)

Anyway, I was perusing this most important of news sources yesterday, and unwittingly stumbled across the most bewildering of columns: A how-to for expensive home-made fashion. As I'm sure you are already well-aware, I am no fan of the idiotic tutorial, and to find this with the thrown-in high-class factor made me positively giddy with delight. And pointed laughter. But mostly delight.

So here we go - the step-by-step totorial to creating a Ben De Lisi - like shirt. Enjoy the crazy.

Food-splattered shirt

Designer version (on the left): £1,000 by Ben De Lisi

Sun version (on the right): FREE

You will need:

An old white shirt, a bit of net curtain, red wine, green pesto, tomato ketchup, make-up, glue, scissors.

Step 1:

Cut the net curtain in circles and glue to shirt wrists.

Step 2:

Splatter ketchup, pesto, wine and make-up on the shirt until it's dirty.

Et finis

And you know what? I don't even know what to tell you. Take an old button-down and rub it with ketchup and baby vomit and suddely it's high fashion, I guess. Half of me is saying "wow, that's disgusting" and the other half is saying "finally, I have a use for all those shirts I've drunkenly puked on. Win."

Click here for more amazing fashion advice!! Thanks The Sun!

What Shall We Name Him?

So I want to give a big "what what", and above-the-head-mid-air hand slap to mizz jk for that extraordinary post yesterday. I would encourage her to post more often, but frankly, she makes me look bad. That being said, her update yesterday was so freaking hilarious let's hope she never does it again. Seriously, Joz, cut it out.

It's almost a shame at this point to post this next picture I've had for a little while, as I'm not positive it matches the unparalled fugly that was captured so eloquently yesterday in JK's post. But, well, if I don't post it now, I'm not sure if I ever will. So let's all marvel, shall we, at today's Obamatrocity:



It is not without artistic merit. I'll give it that much. There's just something about his rather Blagojevichian hairstyle and close-together, George-Bushian eyeballs, mixed with the John-Kerryistic jaw-line and Perotastic ears, not to mention the ever-recognizable Palin pout, that gives the impression that this picture could be of almost any politician, and yet every politician, all at the same time.

Please, though, don't just take my word for it; in order to thoroughly prove my point, and not get called an exaggerating filthy liar, I have spent the last hour piecing together this handsome, handsome man, from said political figures:


He looks like a true leader, he does. I must admit, I found I also had to add Lincoln's nose and some Nader eyebrows, but I think they give him a stately air. A real sophisticated, presidential, understated je ne sais quoi. It's a face that just screams "Politiks! I can haz it!". It's the face of a man that looks capable of anything, as long as "anything" doesn't include being Barack Obama. It's a face that launched a thousand war ships, proverbially speaking. And, most of all, it's the face on that random kid's t-shirt.

Still not convinced? Still having your doubts? Still not sure you care? Behold, my highly scientific comparison graphic:



I think I have made my point. What that point is, I have forgotten. But I'm pretty confident I've made some point, and made it thoroughly.