Illuminati and Socialist

The mainstream liberal media doesn't want to pursue thisinvestigative story further, but without seeing President Obama's birth certificate, how can we ever really be sure he is not a grinning three-eyed head, disembodied by his Illuminati masters, stuffed with catnip and swathed in a delicate textile skin?

I have always known he was a secret muslin.

It Tastes So Ugly

Sorry about the lack of posts yesterday, everyone. I have to be honest with you; I was far too busy being excited about the future of world (as well as drinking copious amounts of cheap champaign in honor of Amurrican freedom) to even begin to think about my small, inconsequential corner of it.
Today, though, is a new day, and in the name of all that is democratic and hilarious, even Obama paraphanalia is fair game for ridicule. Especially when it is this preposterously ugly and amusing.


This cake, for example, is wonkyness personified. It is entitled "The Taste of Hope", which I find not only amusing but also subtly ironic, as I personally really hope for its taste.
Just look at its ears, man, just look at its ears.


The guy on the left is obviously Obama. I'm okay with that. The guy on the right, though, appears to be deep within the throws of late-term jaundice. And, by the looks of it, mumps. And, judging by his lips, he's quite possibly been frozen for a very, very long time. The one thing he is not, though, is Joe Biden. Which makes the artists' comment all that more amusing:

"Help! I'm debating on this one....I'm not too sure if these earrings should

1. be just of Joe Biden?

2. would look cooler with 1 Obama on one ear, and Biden on the other?

What do you think? Would you wear earrings with 2 different "designs"?"

Well, while I think it's apt that the artist puts the word 'designs' in quotation marks, I also love the fact that their number 1 concern is that both earrings don't look like some random, deeply frozen, mumps-infested, jaundiced, strange-eyebrowed dude. Which is almost endearing. Almost.


I love this lil guy. I really do. I think that if Obama were running for the presidency in like, the early 80's, and like, had a flat-top, and made large gestures (like, ever), and had a sky-blue cardigan, this would totally be him. Like, without a doubt.
As is, though, it being 2009 and all, it's a touch ridiculous. Although I say that with love. After all, he does look so excited.

What Shall We Name Him?

So I want to give a big "what what", and above-the-head-mid-air hand slap to mizz jk for that extraordinary post yesterday. I would encourage her to post more often, but frankly, she makes me look bad. That being said, her update yesterday was so freaking hilarious let's hope she never does it again. Seriously, Joz, cut it out.

It's almost a shame at this point to post this next picture I've had for a little while, as I'm not positive it matches the unparalled fugly that was captured so eloquently yesterday in JK's post. But, well, if I don't post it now, I'm not sure if I ever will. So let's all marvel, shall we, at today's Obamatrocity:



It is not without artistic merit. I'll give it that much. There's just something about his rather Blagojevichian hairstyle and close-together, George-Bushian eyeballs, mixed with the John-Kerryistic jaw-line and Perotastic ears, not to mention the ever-recognizable Palin pout, that gives the impression that this picture could be of almost any politician, and yet every politician, all at the same time.

Please, though, don't just take my word for it; in order to thoroughly prove my point, and not get called an exaggerating filthy liar, I have spent the last hour piecing together this handsome, handsome man, from said political figures:


He looks like a true leader, he does. I must admit, I found I also had to add Lincoln's nose and some Nader eyebrows, but I think they give him a stately air. A real sophisticated, presidential, understated je ne sais quoi. It's a face that just screams "Politiks! I can haz it!". It's the face of a man that looks capable of anything, as long as "anything" doesn't include being Barack Obama. It's a face that launched a thousand war ships, proverbially speaking. And, most of all, it's the face on that random kid's t-shirt.

Still not convinced? Still having your doubts? Still not sure you care? Behold, my highly scientific comparison graphic:



I think I have made my point. What that point is, I have forgotten. But I'm pretty confident I've made some point, and made it thoroughly.

inauguration fever!

Kudos to Julia for the snazzy new header. It's new, it's better, she really put her heart into it. I think she's got a case of what's been going around: inauguration fever!

Time for a change? Yes it is! Change we can believe in? Yes we did! Hope for change? Can we yes!

Hope I we? Change can did!

Everybody's going around dewy-eyed and guileless like Tuesday morning is Senior Prom and we've been asked by the coolest boy at school. It's certainly inspired a lot of really bad goods.



This right here is especially sad, a real tragedy, because if not for the unfortunate oversight about white-ink-on-white-cloth being hard to read, this could have been a really mediocre bag. Just extremely mediocre, the most mediocre-est of them all. I suppose the artist could have used black ink on that white cloth... IF THEY WEREN'T SO RACIST. I think if Martin Luther King Jr was alive today, he would probably shake his head and say "Can E has come to." Can E has come to, indeed, Reverend King.



Putting aside the fact that Obama looks remarkably like a burnt piece of toast mixed with a chinchilla,

you will not be able to convince me in a million years that this artist didn't make that HOPE out of toilet paper. Toilet paper is certainly ripe with symbolism. It says to me: COMFORT. It says HOME. Above all, it says I TOUCH DOODS ALL THE TIME. But it doesn't really say HOPE. Now if the "HOPE" had been spelled out in soiled home pregnancy tests, we'd be in business.



Speaking of doods.



I went all through the Etsy listing for this onesie, searching for some small hint that the artist was aware of their own poop joke, and I could not find it. I really think it was unintentional. Ironically, Obama's original campaign slogan was actually "Obama '08: A Fresh Diaper for Your Rashy Behind!"


I have a few more, but I think I will save them for later and end with a positive note, because gosh darn it I think I have a touch of that inauguration fever myself. Check out the cuteness that is the First Family Doll Set:



Finally our long national nightmare of chins has come to an end!