Sunday 29 March 2009

You Have Got To Be Effing Kidding Me

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(To be read in an exasperated and I-don't-have-time-for-this-kind-of-shit tone, as frankly, I am exasperated and I don't have time for this kind of shit.)

Oh come on. A knitted knock-off Mrs. Piggy air-freshener cover?! Really?! Really?! Did we learn nothing, nothing at all from the now-famous wall-eyed cat air-freshener cover? Seriously, I'm done. DONE, I tell you, with all this ridiculous knitted tomfuckery.

Listen, crafters, and listen closely: IF YOUR AIR-FRESHENER COVER IS UGLIER THAN YOUR AIR-FRESHENER, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

12 comments:

  1. Is THAT what that is? Thanks for clearing that up. I agree .. it stinks

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  2. My great aunt gave me a homemade air freshner cover when I was 13 yrs old as a CHRISTMAS PRESENT. Just what every teenage girl wants!

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  3. Doesn't the freshness get trapped in the ruffles? How does that do anyone any good?

    By the way, may I borrow the word Tomfuckery? I love it!

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  4. Well, at least it's only 8 inches tall, as shown on the accompanying ruler. Can you imagine the kind of fear that thing could inflict if were a vacuum cover? :-/

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  5. Petticoat Junction with a twist?

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  6. Why do I suddenly hear the theme from Saw in my head?

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  7. Scarlet O'Hara, no. More like Scarlet O'Hardy-har-har.

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  8. Tomf*ckery?! AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Holy crap, what a great word.

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  9. I think I just peed my pants a little! LOL.

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  10. In the spirit of stream-of-consciousness in which this confection of crochet was clearly crafted, I note this: The pig. Is wearing. Mittens.

    Brown mittens. Unless she is actually gloveless and has been delving into more unsavoury areas of filthiness than which even the least salubrious of our porcine pals, knitted or not, would care to venture.

    Let's say they are brown mittens, though. She's stolen them from the kittens. They are the mittens of the kittens that she has clearly lured beneath her bodice and callously strangled with hairy binding twine, and the sad bodies of which she is obviously 'concealing' beneath all the needless froth and frippery of that bountiful woollen frock. And jolly pleased she looks with proceedings, too.

    Plus there's the boundless tomfuckery of course.

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  11. Oh, gawd-- this is precisely the sort of thing someone would have given me as a kid, after I went as Miss Piggy for Halloween on year. That was when I started receiving horrifying pig-related collectibles from EVERYONE my mother knew.

    I think I'm having flashbacks.

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