Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Ugly and Useless? Worth Every Penny!

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Ever since I started this website a long, long time ago last December, I've slowly been building up a collection of knitted food items. Why I've done this should be immensely apparent - not only are knitted food items ridiculously useless, but they are pretty damn hideous, as well. For example:

This is a knitted plate of knitted scrambled eggs. Why, I couldn't tell you.

Or how about these:

They're knitted 'healthy sandwiches'. And I have no freaking clue what you're supposed to do with them. Keep them on a table in the living room and every once in a while humorously pick one up and pretend to eat it and go "Om num num" before you fall into a fit of pre-pubescent-esque giggling? Offer one to a friend after you tell them that you made lunch and then laugh heartily at your own heretofore unrecognized hilariousness? Just look at them in disdain while you wish they were real sandwiches? I wish I knew. I wish I knew.

Lastly, though, this was the photo that pushed me over the edge, and forced me to finally confront my fears:

What is it, you ask? It's a crocheted dollop. A freaking crocheted dollop with a crocheted minty sprig. A dollop of what, I have absolutely no clue. Is it a dollop of asanine? A dollop of bat-shit crazy? A dollop of you-need-to-get-a-job-immediately? Personally, I think it is a dollop of Mildly-Retarded. And I don't agree with its point of view.

9 comments:

  1. I thought the last one was going to be a hershey's kiss. Just goes to show.

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  2. The first crafter couldn't have knitted the fork, too? Kind of spoils the piece for me.

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  3. WTH?? I've never seen something like this before - how bored do you have to be to crochet food? Maybe it's the work of dieters?

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  4. I'd go for bat shit crazy on the last one.

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  5. lol, crochet a crochet needle as well

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  6. Crochet a crocheter crocheting!

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  7. @Chris and Mary Moore: You almost made me spray Diet Coke out of my nose onto my keyboard. :)

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  8. I want to know how you even KNOW that's a plate of scrambled eggs-- or a dollop? I do hope you were reading these with cues in the books they came from because otherwise, I'd say you're a mind-reader... there is no other discernible answer.

    What does one need a crocheted dollop for?

    You are a brave woman facing the world o' knitting.

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  9. minus the fork, the top one looks like a bowl of corn pops cereal to me. ( i know, im wierd. )

    I have seen a lot of crocheted food. I think its supposed to be the hand made alternative to kids play food, but honestly, im not real sure that a kid would want to play with a crocheted plate of scrambled eggs.....

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