Opposite Day

I was away for a while, due to things. Apparently while I was gone everybody who owns a sewing machine had a group meeting and decided that this whole "wearing pants on our legs and shirts on our torsos" thing was a little past it's prime. You know, it worked for the first 10,000 years of human civilization, but it's time to start thinking outside of the sensebox. Really proactively rework this stifling pants paradigm.





For instance, how many times have you gotten in trouble for saying "I have something for you in my pants, hold on while I rummage around for it."? Thanks to the pants-purse, you will no longer be slapped repeatedly after this announcement. (Homemade Hilarity makes no legal claims authorizing you for pants-contents announcements and waives any and all indemnification resulting from any ensuing said announcement.)





In some cases, is it very very hard to tell who is a dillweed just by looking at them. And in other cases, such as when they have a vh1 show called "Rock of Love: [Their Name]'s Traveling Hump Bus", or when their head is sticking out of a jock strap, it is very very easy to tell.



These shirt-panties actually come with a brutally strict vetting process. The application to see if you should be allowed to wear them turns more than 99% of applicants away. It is as follows:

Question #1: Are you the recording artist known as Prince? (y/n)
Question #2: Are you currently, as in right now, having sexual intercourse and/or an erotic dance-off with the recording artist known as Prince? (y/n)

Chances are you did not qualify.


Each of these three crapfts by themselves may not be that significant, but all together they are heavy with dark tidings. This is what happens when you allow loving, committed gay couples to marry, you know. Black becomes white, up becomes down, dogs and cats living together, rivers fill with blood, zippers on panties and crotch-shirts being packed into pant-bags. It's the end times, people, gird your zippered loins.