Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Really? Really?

This, my friends, is a picture of New Jersey:

I posted it there just to remind you what New Jersey actually looks like. You'll need it to refer to. Because honestly, when I first saw this crafter's embroidery version of The Garden State, I thought it was a really rather magnificent artistic rendition of an amoeba.

And, as an amoeba, it's really quite well done. As New Jersey, though, it's pretty much really, well, bad. Like, bizarrely bad. As in, if you had asked me to guess what I thought this was, I'm not sure I would ever think it was New Jersey. Some kind of techno-slug from the future? Sure. A representation of a tear in the space-time continuum? Why the hell not. New Jersey? You have to be fucking kidding me.


  1. I can just barely make out the little 'Jersey' mitochondria doing their thing and providing energy to the state.

  2. Not. Even. Close. What are the blue dots supposed to be?

  3. Novice crafters wishing to create a textile representation of one of the 50 states should perhaps initially set their sites a little lower. Wyoming, for example.

    Because it's square.

    The complex likes of New Jersey, Alaska and the eastern end of Massachusetts are for advanced ninja embroiderers.

  4. *staring in disbelief* WTF is that???!!

  5. I agree. In fact, here's the system for embroidery personnel:

    BEGINNERS: Wyoming, Kansas, Colorado, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Nebraska and Utah.

    LOW-INTERMEDIATE: Arizona, New Mexico, Washington, the Dakotas, Montana

    INTERMEDIATE: Ohio, Mississippis, the Carolinas, Wisconsin, Oklahoma, Missouri

    ADVANCED: Florida, Georgia, Maine, Massachusetts, West Virginia, Virginia

    EXPERT: NEW JERSEY, Maryland, Alaska, Texas, Hawaii, Delaware (actual size).

  6. Good work, Chris. Surely, however, we must also find room for Rhode Island: it's difficult to slot in, though, because the western side should be a breeze even for a beginner, while the east, especially the intricacies of Narragansett Bay, might prove a challenge for even the most expert black-belt needlework.

    By the way, I am chastened, bowed and cowed - in my previous comment I mis-spelled 'sight' as 'site'. In front of a teacher, too. How embarrassing. Dam' homophones.

  7. If you turn it on its side, it's a caterpillar.


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