A Hiatus in Hilarity

Hello, there. G Henry here, from Goldfish Broth (that's the inevitable site-pimping out of the way), typing to you from the same place Julia does, with, I'm afraid, some bad news: your hostess is incommunicado for a couple of days, and has asked me to fill in with a couple of unworthy efforts of my own until she can return on Saturday.

And when I say "asked me to fill in" I mean, of course, "inadvertantly left herself logged in so I can hijack her site for a day".

I shall do my level best to approach one tenth of Julia's funniness but realise, as must you, that I have my work cut out. My words are not worthy to wipe the shoes of her wit, snarky brilliance and, let's face it, out-and-out sweariness. Still , I'm sure that if we all gird our loins, summon the sinews, take a deep breath and run really fast we can race barefoot across the hot coals and broken glass of my posting and come out the other side with nary a blister.

So here we go:


This, my friends (see, I'm trying at least to get some of the style right), is a spare toilet roll cover, I'm sure you hardly need me to inform you. It's knitted or crocheted or cross-stitched or hand-thrown or something (see, I lack knowledge about the technical stuff); but overridingly it is startled. A startled what, I do not know, and perhaps neither does it - which might explain its enstartlement. That and the very idea that the modesty of a new toilet roll needs to be preserved.

Let's presume that it's some sort of pixie; here's where it might live, I suppose:


See how subtly the paper curls through the steepled roof, implying a cozy evening for our putative puckish family around their roaring fire of, er, logs. It's either that or something I would rather not contemplate lurking behind that jolly door.

Here's an ineffable something that no bathroom should be without:



Nothing says 'class' more eloquently than a satanic-duck-on-knitted-bricks toilet roll holder, unless it's a satanic-duck-on-knitted-bricks staring with evil exasperation at another knitted-brick toilet roll holder singularly lacking a duck. A saintly duck, perhaps.

Sticking with the theme of domestic creatures (and disturbing ones at that):

Enough said (and seen), quite frankly.

Finally, with 'literal videos' currently raging across the interwebs, I present this very humble meme - the 'literal toilet roll cover':


"Darling - where the hell is the spare roll?"


G. Henry.