Wednesday, 28 January 2009

So I Guess There's More Than One Way To Skin A Dead Squirrel

I stopped by Rick's Custom Squirrel Taxidermy Services earlier today, as one tends to do when one has a dead squirrel laying around that they're not sure what to do with. Or when one is looking for a dead squirrel with which to do things. Or when one just wants to see how much a dead squirrel is going for these days.

And man, did I ever hit the jackpot.

For example, you can get a stuffed squirrel made to look like he's just nonchalantly climbing up your wood panelling, like this awesome little fella here.

Obviously, he's perfect for any kitchen or bathroom. Hell, get one for your kitchen and one for your bathroom. Really impress your more discerning visitors.

Alternatively, you can buy a dead squirrel stuffed to look like he's climbing down the outside of your house, as squirrels tend to constantly do.

Just imagine; you can glue him straight onto your trailer, right outside your front door, and thoroughly charm all the postmen, Jehova's Witnesses, and bounty hunters that I'd be willing to bet stop by your abode more often than regularly.

For those of us who may want to own a dead squirrel, but don't want the hassel of owning a dead squirrel permanently attached to our wall, This next dead squirrel is for you.

Frozen in a permanent walnut-pondering state, this charming taxidermied rodent could really go anywhere in your home. I suppose. Within reason. Preferably out of the way. In a box in the closet. Or something.

If the aforementioned dead stuffed squirrels are too alive-looking for your tastes, well, dear Rick has kindly taken you lot into consideration as well. Behold, his specifically dead-looking dead stuffed squirrel:

It's just so realistically, wonderfully dead-looking! If your spouse doesn't come home and immediately become overwrought, aghast, alarmed, and perhaps even a touch nauseous, I'm pretty sure you'll get your money back. He's such a little treasure! Personally, I'd hang him above my headboard, just to, you know, set the mood and everything.

But this, my friends... this is a true masterpiece. This is an heirloom. This is undoubtedly the most awesome dead stuffed squirrel ever invented. And I know dead stuffed squirrels.

It almost seems a shame, killing the only known member of the Red Beret's extensively-trained and hugely-important tree-top killing machine only referred to in highly-confidential whispers as The Squirrel Brigade of Impending Doom, but hey, all's fair in love and war, and frankly, I love this.


  1. The Squirrel Brigade of Impending Doom. hahahahaahahaha

  2. Yeah I like the ammo squirrel...and I know just the person to give it to!

    Perfect. Another problem solved thanks to you HH!

  3. How could you choose between them? I guess I'd have to buy them all.

    Thanks for a good laugh.

  4. I love these little squirrels. I want one of each.

  5. Folks, you are all in luck. All of the squirrels are for sale, and you can buy them through the link I posted. Oh happy day!

  6. Collect the whole set!

    Where's the one with antlers?

  7. I think I need any one of those to hang on my cubicle wall. The owner is due in for inspections last week and nothing says "Job Security" like a dead rodent right above the ol' dry erase board.

  8. Wow, I had no idea there was such a variety of dead squirrels from which to choose. Now I am in a real quandary. Do I like the militant ass kicking one, or the more laid back, draped over a branch look?

  9. Dead squirrels. Hours of fun for all the family!

  10. Cool...Reminds of Rowdy the stuffd dog of scrubs. I need to get one of those and position it on my wifes pillow! The suprise would be...priceless!

  11. I like the one hanging over the hook. I might have to go buy that one. :) I hate squirrels. We lived in a suburban Philadelphia apartment house for a while, and needless to say, they were not our friends...squirrels also remind me of college, when one of my classmates brought a dead one in and gutted it for the entire class for an oral presentation. That was fun! :)

  12. @ unfinishedrambler: Dear god. No wonder you turned out the way you did. That explains a lot.


    @TheManofNotts: I would say that's a bad idea,but that might imply I wouldn't want you to do that and film it and send me the video to post.

    @HumorSmith: Get the militant ass kicking one. I think he sums up your personality slightly more elegantly.

    @The Office Scribe: refer to my answer to @TheManofNotts, but please add a live webfeed as well. Thanks.

    @Dog Breath: Rick does customs! I dare you to order one with antlers! He'd totally do it!

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