I stopped by Rick's Custom Squirrel Taxidermy Services earlier today, as one tends to do when one has a dead squirrel laying around that they're not sure what to do with. Or when one is looking for a dead squirrel with which to do things. Or when one just wants to see how much a dead squirrel is going for these days.
And man, did I ever hit the jackpot.
For example, you can get a stuffed squirrel made to look like he's just nonchalantly climbing up your wood panelling, like this awesome little fella here.
Obviously, he's perfect for any kitchen or bathroom. Hell, get one for your kitchen and one for your bathroom. Really impress your more discerning visitors.
Alternatively, you can buy a dead squirrel stuffed to look like he's climbing down the outside of your house, as squirrels tend to constantly do.
Just imagine; you can glue him straight onto your trailer, right outside your front door, and thoroughly charm all the postmen, Jehova's Witnesses, and bounty hunters that I'd be willing to bet stop by your abode more often than regularly.
For those of us who may want to own a dead squirrel, but don't want the hassel of owning a dead squirrel permanently attached to our wall, This next dead squirrel is for you.
Frozen in a permanent walnut-pondering state, this charming taxidermied rodent could really go anywhere in your home. I suppose. Within reason. Preferably out of the way. In a box in the closet. Or something.
If the aforementioned dead stuffed squirrels are too alive-looking for your tastes, well, dear Rick has kindly taken you lot into consideration as well. Behold, his specifically dead-looking dead stuffed squirrel:
It's just so realistically, wonderfully dead-looking! If your spouse doesn't come home and immediately become overwrought, aghast, alarmed, and perhaps even a touch nauseous, I'm pretty sure you'll get your money back. He's such a little treasure! Personally, I'd hang him above my headboard, just to, you know, set the mood and everything.
But this, my friends... this is a true masterpiece. This is an heirloom. This is undoubtedly the most awesome dead stuffed squirrel ever invented. And I know dead stuffed squirrels.
It almost seems a shame, killing the only known member of the Red Beret's extensively-trained and hugely-important tree-top killing machine only referred to in highly-confidential whispers as The Squirrel Brigade of Impending Doom, but hey, all's fair in love and war, and frankly, I love this.
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