Sunday, 20 December 2009

Don't Get Jesus Angry. You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Angry. (NSFW)

So I've been holding onto various Jesus crapfts I've come across recently, just waiting for the right time to permanently ruin some retinas as well as my soul.  Given that this is the run-up to the Big Guy's birthday, I thought this would be the obvious time to share my goodies.  Now, before I start getting death-threats, I do want to point out that I'm only going to be cruely mocking the quality of said Jesus crapfts, not mocking your religion itself and everything you stand for and worship in life.  There's a difference.  That said, expect to see some spectacularly bad Jesus paraphanalia in the next couple days.  It'll be a Holiday Jesus Extravaganza!

This true masterpiece of modern art was painted by a guy named Vale (on ETSY), and although he doesn't seem to feel the need  to explain why his Jesus is packin' some serious wedding tackle but completely lacking in the nipple department, he fortunately does feel the need to share his, well, motivation.  And it's not crazy in the least :
"Inspired by my on suffering.
symbolicaly it represents my williness to suffer or even die before i give up in what i believe. Like a true revolutionary i would sacrifice myself in order to further a cause or personal freedom."
Ah yes.  You know, I've been telling people for years that this Vale character is a true revolutionary - a voice of my generation even.  He's really defining martyrdom, I say, one angry hulk Jesus peen at a time.  And at only $75, this historic piece of artwork is a steal!


  1. Why does Jesus only have one arm? Where did the rest of the cross go? I'm really not surprised by his "artist statement." He is as skilled in English language as he is in painting.

  2. Vale in Latin means "good-bye." Just sayin'.

  3. it reminds me of roger daltrey on steroids.

  4. Wow, Jesus is hung like a horse!

  5. That's just a horrible thing. I thought Jesus was essentially a pacifist, not a pro porn wrestler.

  6. I don't like a savior who is in better shape than me. I mean, I do weights, cardio, and kick boxing and I don't have those delts or abs. Plus, I eat like a pig this time of year, so I'll need a miracle to look even half that good.

    No wonder Christmas has lost its magic for me :(


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