Lookit! How Cool Am I?!

So I'm finally making some changes around here, as you may have noticed.  I'm doing my darndest to make this site a bit more user-friendly and attractive, and I hope you approve!  There's still a lot more to come, but if there's anything you want to see specifically, just let me know in the comments.

Also, if you haven't ventured a guess yet in yesterday's "What The Hell Is This?" competition, you still gots time.

<3,
JuliaD

Another What The Hell Is This? Competition - Christmas Special

Alright folks: what the hell do you think this is?  And I need you to be specific. Because it's obviously glowing.  But what do you think it's for? I'll print the answer, along with the best guesses, tomorrow!

Seriously - What's Going On With All The Angry Jesuses?

And where would we be in this most festive of seasons, my kind and gentle readers, without the obligatory Angry Felt Tortilla Jesus?  Nowhere, I tell you.  Nowhere.

W.W.C.J.D? (What Would Crocheted Jesus Do?)

Continuing our countdown to Jesus' birthday, I bring you my favourite Jesus ever (EVER):

Yay! Happy crochet googley-eyed Jesus!  With less-than a nose (hah! see what I did there?) and a penchant for chocolate cake, evidently.  So what would crocheted Jesus do?  Give you a big chocolatey hug while simultaneously poking you with his eyeball, obviously.

Don't Get Jesus Angry. You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Angry. (NSFW)

So I've been holding onto various Jesus crapfts I've come across recently, just waiting for the right time to permanently ruin some retinas as well as my soul.  Given that this is the run-up to the Big Guy's birthday, I thought this would be the obvious time to share my goodies.  Now, before I start getting death-threats, I do want to point out that I'm only going to be cruely mocking the quality of said Jesus crapfts, not mocking your religion itself and everything you stand for and worship in life.  There's a difference.  That said, expect to see some spectacularly bad Jesus paraphanalia in the next couple days.  It'll be a Holiday Jesus Extravaganza!

This true masterpiece of modern art was painted by a guy named Vale (on ETSY), and although he doesn't seem to feel the need  to explain why his Jesus is packin' some serious wedding tackle but completely lacking in the nipple department, he fortunately does feel the need to share his, well, motivation.  And it's not crazy in the least :

"Inspired by my on suffering.
symbolicaly it represents my williness to suffer or even die before i give up in what i believe. Like a true revolutionary i would sacrifice myself in order to further a cause or personal freedom."

Ah yes.  You know, I've been telling people for years that this Vale character is a true revolutionary - a voice of my generation even.  He's really defining martyrdom, I say, one angry hulk Jesus peen at a time.  And at only $75, this historic piece of artwork is a steal!

I Wish You an Angry Christmas and a Terribly Serious New Year

This?  Yeah, this scares the crap outta me.

It's Going to be a White Christmas After All! A White, Powdery, Possibly Illegal Christmas.

I have big news, everyone!  It's our birthday!  Believe it or not, Homemade Hilarity has been spewing vitriol, darkening doorways, and making crafters cry tears of spite for an entire year now.  What a wonderful achievement!  I feel like I've really done something to, you know, to like, better society and shit. So pass me a tall warm glass of Champale cause I'm gonna celebrate!

To help ring in a brand new holiday season, and to commemorate HH's milestone, I've compiled a simple guide to creating your very own elegant, classy, young-Hollywood-chic Christmas (brought to you by ETSY!).  You know, for when you want to feel like you're really living the high-life of all the Winehouses and Hiltons out there, but can't afford to splash out on real cocain and herpes, Homemade Hilarity is here to help.  Because we love you.

Rule 1: Don't bother buying a Christmas tree.  Seriously.  Just don't bother.  You'll only get tangled in the strings of lights in one of your nightly drunken stupors and wake up wrapped around a spruce with your pants round your knees and your jingle bells in an awkward situation.  Instead, just chop some springs off your neighbor's juniper, shove them into a toilet paper tube, and sprinkle some of your leftover crack dust over the whole mess and call it a day.  Otherwise, you could just buy this fine specimen from ETSY for $32.  Either way.

Rule 2: Buy lots of these "Silver Japanese Maple" (wink wink) ornaments.  And hang them EVERYWHERE.  Everywhere.  Because they're elegant.  And tooootally representative of your love for "Silver Japanese Maple" leaves.  Yes.  That's right.  Maple leaves.  Non-smokeable Maple leaves.

Rule 3: Dig out all of your used pipe cleaners (and I know you have lots of used pipe cleaners) and get to work.  With a lot of old pipe cleaners, and only a little bit of talent, you, too can create this beautiful, uh, thing.  This $7 thing.  Mouse ... I'm told it's a mouse. This lovely $7 mouse.

Rule 4:  Lastly, do whatever you can to get your hands on this season's Lindsay Lohan snowman figurine!  From the "snow" on her nose to her emaciated frame, this is sure to be a hit with all the deluded starlets this holiday season.  For only $65, this anorexic trippy-eyed treat should take pride-of-place on any cigarette-stained mantle or glass-topped coffee table.

Hope this guide will be of some help, all you crazy hipster kids out there.  Just, you know, enjoy Christmas responsibly.  Don't drink and drive and all that.  And lay off the wacky tobaccy.  And crack is whack.  And stay in school.  Hugs, not drugs, kids.

Also, feel free to send birthday presents!  We love birthday presents!  We also love posting birthday presents! Presents sent to us in the form of fun pictures! We love posting them with links back to the birthday present picture sender!  (not so subtle wink wink).

"Happy Santa Embryo with Candy Cane"

You just can't make this shit up:

"This little embryo is waiting for Santa with his Santa hat and candy cane.

He glows a little because I mixed glow in the dark clay with the flesh color."

Evidently, not only is this a happy santa embryo with candy cane, but it's a glowing happy santa embryo with candy cane.  My head asplodes.

Thanks ETSY!

Elegant Christmas Decor Defined.

This christmas, I want my snowmen bumpy,

Lumpy,
And made out of glue.
And evidently, my wish has been granted. Santa does exist.

It's a Major Award! I won it!

Fra...fra-GI-le? It must be Italian.

Okay, I Said I Was Sorry.

Man. I hate to do this to you, I really do. I know, I know, you just finished Christmas. I'm sure the last thing you really want to think about right now is more garlands and candy canes, and I'm sorry. But, I swear to you, I just came across these two pictures, and they were way too funny not to share with you.


This beauty was made for ... you guessed it.... an avid hunter. Mmmm... nothing says "happy holidays" quite like shooting wild animals, and nothing advocates killing our woodland friends quite like gluing a shotgun to a wreath. Note the attention to detail as well - such craftsmanship! But, don't let the curly ribbon pieces fool you; while they may look like harmless and jovially festive accents, of course they are not. No, this crafter dared not be so glib. If you look closely, you will notice that instead the wreath is covered with empty bullet cartridges, in various stages of disassemblage.
Heartwarming, no?


And this Christmas decor, which I've just noticed on closer inspection is built on top of a life preserver (?!) appears to be a tribute to the current economic situation, specifically the recent US bank bailout (?!). Yeah, I don't know either.

The Great Debate

I debated a good long while about whether or not to post this next picture, as I found it to have a fine number of good qualities along with its equally many bad ones. Ultimately, I decided to go ahead and post it, outline my thought process, and let you come to your own magnificent conclusions. So, please feel free to join me in going through my list of this lil' guy's pros and cons.



Pro: He seems to be well painted, and actually pretty well made overall.

Con: Is that supposed to be a wreath? Added with the Microsoft Paint 'spraypaint' tool circa 1998? Good god.

Pro: I like crafts that are inexpensive to make, and this seems to be an okay use of old flower pots.

Con: Forget about the wreath. What he really needs is a speech bubbles saying "Armz. I can haz dem?"

Pro: His moustache is symmetrical. Which is nice.

Con: He looks as if his goal in life is to pierce the very fabric of my soul with his unblinking, hypnotic gaze.

What do you think?

Et Voila!

So here it is, the magnificent wonder of creative genius that so moved and inspired me into building a website in its very honour. Don't get me wrong, I had seen some home-made crafts go downhill before, and have seen even more since, but there was just something so very, extraordinarily, exquisitely special about this specific photograph. Behold, the awesomeness that is the physical incarnation of home-made hilarity:

Maybe it's the look of pride on the lady's face, as though she were about to hand you your very own home-made fuzzy green and orange christmas present. Maybe it's the fact that the fuzzy bits are actually wood chips that she painstakingly collected, dyed and then lovingly glued to the actual present. Probably, though, it's because this has actually been touted as a more eco-friendly and attractive alternative to gift-wrap on a Marthastewart.com page asking readers to send in their best photos of their own creative brilliance. Not only was this the best idea this lady had to offer the world, but she looks damn pleased with herself as well. Although in hindsight, as well she should be, considering she was able to inspire a whole new blog through her innovative yet unforgivably hideous box o' christmas splinters.

And with that, homemadehilarity.blogspot.com has been christened! While I go smash a cheap bottle of bubbly on its hull, feel free to call all of your friends and frantically scream at them about how awesome this site is. I won't blush.