OKAY. I GET IT. Jeezus, Mr. green "BUY SODA" monster. Maybe I freaking will already. For real, chill the heck out. Seriously. You need to cool it for a minute, and then maybe ask nicely and then maybe, just maybe, I'll buy you some freaking soda. Just read your comic book for a second, put your skull away, and quit conversing with me in all-capitals, and then we'll see just how far your flaily-armed demands get you. Because at the rate you're going, all I'm prepared to buy for you is some diet caffeine-free Mr Pibb, and nobody wants that, now do we. No. We don't. Because it's the low-rent wall-eyed cousin of Dr. Pepper, and we all know it.
So just relax for a freaking minute and at least ask me politely in cursive.