eggs on you egg you on

Clearly a devious attempt by the powerful Egg Lobby to give you dreams where you nuzzle your face into a pile of fried eggs. That or this is Big Egg's new mascot, Eggy the Vaguely Silky Creature of Leisure.



At least he's better than their first choice, Goldy the Vaguely Lamé Creature of Leisure... hmm, I think I need some assistance telling what creature this is. If only there was some helpful information in pillow form...



Hey, thanks BIRD PILLOW! I remember you! I knew you existed for a reason.

What I'm Thankful For (Brought to You by the Letter C)

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! In the spirit of today's homage to massacred Native Americans and gluttony, I bring to you my annual list of things I'm especially thankful for, in no particular order:

1) Crocheted cranberry sauce. Not only is it outstandingly useful but it also has eyeballs! The better to (not really) see you with while you're (not really) eating it!

2) Cupcake cozies. Because my cupcake was getting cold and needed an extra layer of crazy for insulation.

and lastly, 3) Cats in bags. Obviously.

And there it is, everyone! The things I am most thankful for right now; the things that almost thaw my black shriveled raisin of a heart. And if you can bring yourself to take a breather from shoveling turkey down your face-holes for just a minute please feel free to leave a comment as to what you are most thankful for in this most crapft-inspiring of seasons. And then we can all drunkenly point and laugh at you together, thereby continuing to spread the holiday cheer. Yay for Thanksgiving!

Humpday Roundup

So I was checking out some of the other crapft sites around the internets, and believe me, there's an infestation of them, when I decided that in the name of Thanksgiving and joyousness and all that crap I should start a weekly segment on Homemade Hilarity giving props to the other funny writers who spend waaay too much time searching out the ugly.


Crocheted Clown birthday cake on What Not To Crochet




Man painting nude on Craftastrophe





Tinsel creature (yeah, I don't know either) on ETSY WTF



Gourd fail on CraftFail



Cheese and crackers vegan soap on Kraftomatic



HelloPepsi necklace on What Not To Craft




Turkey hand at Handmade Gone Wrong




Bronzed(!) cinnamon roll at Glitter Gone Bad

I.. uhm.. Don't Even Know Where To Go With This One

So I was just innocently looking up apple recipes on the internet, and this one cought my eye. Dear god, how I wish there were a photo:

APPLE CINNAMON COOKIE DOUGH

Ingredients:

• 1 cup ground cinnamon
• 1 cup applesauce
• 1/4 cup white school glue (optional)

Directions:

1. Add the cinnamon to the applesauce until you get a clay-like consistency.
2. You may add glue for added thickness.
3. Once the dough is mixed, create shapes with your hands or roll the dough out and use cookie cutters.
4. Add glitter for fun!
5. Let the dough dry.

PLEASE, dear readers, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. Or if you do, I heartily suggest you opt-out of the glue and glitter. Or at least the glue. Shitting glitter could be fun on the weekends.

Seriously, though, these sound like horrible cookies.

Sometimes The Posts Write Themselves

So what is this, then? Why, it's a piece of crap on a chain. Literally as well as figuratively. So that's special. In fact, it's $40 worth of special. Or, at least $40 worth of crap on a chain.