Friday, 20 April 2012

A Guild To Uterus-Flavoured Baked Goods

So I know what you were thinking this afternoon, somewhere after you smoked the dank fatty but before you watched the third episode of "The Big Bang Theory":  you thought "Damn, I could really go for some Uterus Cookies".  I know.  I've been there.  We've all been there.  The problem is, though, that you can't really purchase uterus cookie for human consumption, even in the back aisles at Trader Joe's.  Again, I know.  I've been there.  So what to do?  Why, create your own, of course!  So, in order to aid your filthy, filthy obsession, I came up with a handy pocket guide to refer to when making your very own gynecological baked goods.

Tip 1:  Do not just use an inverted penis cookie cutter.  Or an upper-case "T" cookie cutter.  Or a non-inverted penis cookie cutter turned upside down.  It just isn't the same shape as a uterus.  It just doesn't do the uterus justice.  And for fuck's sake, don't be sloppy with the icing:

Tip 2: You may want to reconsider adding unborn children.  I'm not saying that foetuses are unappetising, but, you know, they're kind of unappetising. Kinda kills the buzz.  Kinda brings you down.  Kinda makes you want to hurl.  That's all I'm saying:

Tip 3:  It's great to be anatomically correct, but there may be a limit, especially if your piping skills are lacking (read: terrible), and especially when you're not sure how many ovaries the average woman possesses (read: two).  If you're unsure, consider the following example of what a uterus, most definitely, does not look like:

So that's about it, folks.  I support your uterus-cookie-wanting ways, and I don't hate, I celebrate.  But please, let's keep it realistic.  The next time your stoned ass wants to eat something placenta-oriented, at least do it justice, and for reference:

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