I'll Take Alan Rickman For The Win

So apparently, I'm still getting traffic to this site from people looking for Alan Rickman. I would make fun of these obsessive loons, but hey, the heart wants what the heart wants. Besides, who am I to deny these strange, wandering souls the sexy of the Rickman? Speaking of which:


I'm so glad this artist managed to find such a handsome portrait of Alan Rickman to use as the focal point for this stunning piece of jewellery. Truly, Sir Rickman has never looked better. His enviably pale, sickly pallor and sultry, sunken, come-hither eyeballs really make me shudder with delight. And that sneer! Ooh, that sensual, disgruntled grimace of disdain is enough to make any girl, and even some men, positively slack-jawed with unease. And luckily, according to the jeweller:
"He's been sealed with a few coats of glossy varnish so that all his sexiness STAYS sexy!!!"


And this, my friends, is what Alan Rickman would look like if he were a fish with the face of Alan Rickman. Because why the hell not.

I'm Not Totally Sure If This Is Kosher

So I recently came across this bacon scarf (yes, that's right. A bacon scarf.) on craftster, and I had to think long and hard before deciding to post it. See, here's my problem with it: I made a point when I started this website to never post anything that's been purposefully made ironically, and lets sincerely hope that this has been.

After mulling over it for a few days, though, I decided to share it with you all because it reminded me of this one guy I used to see around campus sometimes at college. It wasn't that he looked like a bacon scarf, because he didn't especially. Instead, this guy had decided to grow a massively exaggerated and extraordinarily noticeable mullet, all in the name of some post-post-ironic fashion statement. He, and all of his football-playing buddies, thought it was totally hilarious and clever and I'm sure he got laid by lots of ladies who also thought he was terribly cool and hip and funny.

At the end of the day, though, the guy still had a mullet. And, at the end of the day, this scarf still looks like bacon. So, while I may be laughing, it's certainly not with them, which I have decided brings this crapft around full circle and back into the realm of postable images.

I think Alan Rickman would agree.

Ooooh, Shiny.

Everyone like the new look of the site? As I've been getting more traffic recently (Thank you, Alan Rickman*) I decided I might want to clean the place up a bit. You know; febreeze the furniture, push aside all the empty beer bottles, throw away all the dirty dishes, that kind of stuff. After hours of cutting and pasting and editing and cursing, I am proud to show off my ever-so-slightly-improved header! Granted, the end result comes nowhere near justifying the effort involved, but what else is a graphics-inept girl to do? Nothing? Just let my site continue on looking shockingly unkempt and unloved while the other prettier, more popular blogs start to make fun of it behind its back? Before it escalates and they steal its boyfriend because everybody knows that they put out on the first date and they just want to make my website feel as ugly and insecure as they do? Before they somehow manage to horrifically and spectacularly embarrass it in front of the whole school and the blog it has a crush on in the middle of prom? Cause lord knows I wouldn't want that to happen. That sounds horrible, and suspiciously like every movie made in the 80's.

I've also just noticed that only two of the images I've incorporated in the banner have been featured on the site yet. The rest of them are still in my "unused" cache of photos for future posts. So... that's something to look forward to, I guess.


*Evidently Mr. Rickman, or as I like to call him, "Alan", has a massive following, who seem to be devoted to him with such an obsessive religious fervor they end up googling his name all day like it's their job. Either that, or Alan has a lot of free time on his hands and compulsively googlebates with the best of them. Either that, or Alan secretly has a lot of extra money and really does pay people to search for his name online all day, which is actually such a funny idea I think I'll go with that explanation.

1000 Tiny Images Of Alan Rickman

I found this next beaut for sale on etsy under "about to expire".

I have to wonder why, considering the artist puts up such a good argument for its awesomeness:

"Discover the secret of a mosaic! The wonder is in the detail.

At a distance, you will see the image of Alan Rickman
Bring it closer, and you see over a 1000 tiny images of Alan Rickman
that come together to create the portrait of Alan Rickman."

And who doesn't love a good collage of Alan Rickman? Made up of thousands of other Alan Rickmans? I, for one, hadn't even realized beforehand how little Alan Rickman I previously had in my life: I can honestly say my life was utterly devoid of Alan Rickman. Too devoid of Alan Rickman. If only I had bought this tasteful mosaic of Alan Rickman in time, my lack of Alan Rickman would have been one less Alan-Rickman-related stressor in my life. Oh, Alan Rickman, maybe it's just not meant to be.

Update: The baby Jesus must be an even bigger fan of Alan Rickman than I am, and decided to ease my sobbing, for the eagle-eyed (and hilarious) G. Henry from goldfish broth has found this Alan Rickman mosaic on eBay! Now I weep for joy. As well as Alan Rickman.