How to Look Unbelieveably Awesome, Part 4

I know, I know.  I've been negligent.  I'm a bad, bad lady.  You can stop sending the sad-face emails.  I get it. I've done the internet equivalent of leaving my dog/baby/husband in the car for a week during the summer with the windows rolled up.  And nothing but Mountain Dew to drink.  But I'm back, at the very least showing my face to claim the carcass of whatever may be left of my lovely website.  And to show my undying devotion to you, my lovely and patient readers, I'm going to present you with one of my favourite tutorials ever.  EVER.  I forgot where I found it, but it shows, concisely, how to make yer own haute couture using the jeans you got too fat for years ago.

Here we go! Step one:  grab your old jeans (you know, the ones you were only able to wear for one season back in '05)

Step 2:  Cut these, uh, shapes, out of the denim. These non-matching, dirty-looking shapes. Don't worry - you're 90% of the way there.

Step 3: Sew together haphazardly, preferably without adding a lining or even a back of any sort, and try to fray the edges as much as possible for a truly classy look.  Remember: sideboob is god's gift to prebubescent boys!

Taa-da! That, my friends, is how to look unbelieveably awesome in just three easy steps.

Tits or ass? Well, I'll tell you.

Hi guys! Sorry I've been away for a few days. I've been, you know, doing things. Rescuing orphaned kittens. Saving babies. Helping old ladies cross the road.  Trying to find a real job that actually pays real money.  That kind of thing.  But I'm back, and ready to make fun of more well-meaning crafters.

Anyway, today we're going to take a look at this:

 If you said "Jiminy Christmas, that looks like Spongeboob Squarepants"  then you would be correct.  Because it is.  Quite pointedly.

I love a crafter with a good immature pun.  I just hope I can find a homemade "Lady-boy and the Tramp" magnet for next week.

When is a sock not a sock?

When it's sewn shut, given a Hot-Topic arm-band neck, had its "Hello Kitty" insignias used as eyeballs, and being sold for $20 on Etsy. Then it's just a piece of shit.

Deja Boob

Ohmygodyouguys... Remember that camo boob blanket I posted way back when? Yeah. I had noooo idea it was part of a matching set until yesterday, when I came across this:



Which doesn't exactly prove my point until you flip it over and get a face fulla these big ol' rubber baby buggy bumpers:



Somewhere, deep down, in the furthest recesses of my cold, insignificant heart, I actually really love this. It looks comfortable as hell.

I'm back, and bitchier than ever!!!

Welcome back, everyone!! Did you lot have a great holiday? I know I sure did. In between getting drunk, eating pies, getting drunk, opening presents, and getting drunk, I spent my time knitting attractive tea cozies:



posting tutorials on cutoutandkeep.net on how to wrap yarn around paper towel tubes:



recreating the Chicago skyline out of gingerbread:



and making an edible USS Enterprise:



No. But I did meet George Takei the day after Christmas. Which was just about the best thing that happened to me last decade. I think we might be getting married.

So what the hell did you get up to? Any fabulous stories to share?