How To Look Unbelieveably Awesome In One Easy Step

Do you have someone really special in your life? Someone really special in like a "isn't s/he special" kinda way? Someone really special in like a "takes-the-short-bus-to-market" kinda way? Someone really special in like a "likes-to-eat-the-glue-and-sometimes-the-pink-chalk-as-well" kinda way? Because if you know someone like that, or if that person just happens to be you (you know who you are), well, I've finally found what you've undoubtedly been looking for: good quality, attractive, not-at-all-hilarious helmet covers.


Aww, bless. Isn't he just darling, sitting there all happy at the K-mart photo studio, safely strapped into his massive helmet, not a care in the world. Either that, or what I can only assume is a frog is giving birth to a fully-clothed human baby and someone managed to get it on film. This one's totally going on the mantle.


Is your helmet not noticeable enough? Would you like to look even more, uhm, outstanding? Well, just slap on this hot little red number and watch in amazement as the amount of mockery you already receive triples, almost instantaneously. It's perfect, really, for any hardcore helmeting enthusiast.


Ooh, this helmet cover is almost awesome enough to make me wish I had a helmet with which to put it on. In fact, I think that if you do have a helmet, this should be the mandatory cover for it. In fact, I think that even if you don't have to wear a helmet it should still become mandatory to wear a helmet just because you would then have to put this helmet cover on it. In fact, I think it should just become mandatory to strap a dead coyote to your head when leaving the house in general.


I think we could all learn something from this lady here: why look like you're just wearing a normal helmet when you could be looking like you're wearing a hideously massive and malformed 17th century felt cap?


Thanks to David D for sending me these links!



Note: making fun of those with disabilities is never okay, especially when the disability is severe enough to cause a person to have to wear protective headgear. So I apologize for that. Please don't send me any angry emails; I feel bad enough already as is.

I'm going to hell for this, aren't I.

I Love Google

This week Homemade Hilarity has been voted by Google as:

#4 for : crocheting a new tin foil hat
#19 for : chimps wearing diapers
and #1 (!) for : homemade 4 x 4 shiny boards

Oprah's Vagina Has Its Own Holiday?

What in sam hill is going on around here? How did I miss this? When I started looking through my daily list of blogs this afternoon it quickly became obvious that today appears to be, officially, Oprah's Vah-jay-jay Day nation-wide. It was all I could do to hold back from punching myself for not keeping up on something as important as Oprah's vagina and whether or not it has its own holiday. Gosh, I feel like such an idiot. I mean, of course someone as powerful as Oprah's vagina would be granted special privileges. I can only imagine that after receiving the congressional medal of honor last year and the key to Chicago the year before, the only distinction left for Oprah's vagina, really, was its own holiday. So, everyone, in honor of the heroic efforts and monumental sacrifices made over the years by Oprah's one-and-only, I give you today's gallery of awesome.

The majestic Oprahmobile, which famously runs on the kisses of orphans and the dreams of the illiterate. Naturally, it also comes standard with its own team of halo'ed trumpeting angels which harken upon its arrival, or its departure, or at hot girls walking down the sidewalk:


The last thing the fajita saw before it died:

Aaaaand, my favorite portrait of anyone, ever:

Doesn't she just look special.


If you don't believe me about it being a national holiday, I don't blame you. It does seem almost too good to be true. Don't just take my word for it, though - check out any of these sites and see for yourself.

http://www.Crotchetyoldman.com
http://soggy-doggy-bloggy.blogspot.com/
http://sanityonedge.blogspot.com/
http://www.offendedblogger.com/
http://nonamedufus.blogspot.com/
http://www.momscrazylife.com/

See what I mean? I couldn't make up something so awesome.

Schitzophrenics Always Give The Crappiest Presents

I believe I have finally found a crapft that officially defies explanation:



I think part of my cerebral cortex just imploded a little bit. Unfortunately, the whole thing is all just a shade too insane for a mere mortal like myself to try and comprehend. Although, admittedly, I'm almost really curious about what this whackadoodle's Christmas cards look like. Just imagine...

Front:
"Don't be Afraid of Spiders, it's Christmas"
Inside:
"Drink Some Coffee"

Ooh, or how about Valentine's Day...

Front:
"Don't Stop Skateboarding, it's Valentines Day"
Inside:
"Eat Some Jello"

The possibilities are endless, really.


Also, if you enjoy my understated brand of subtle humor and dry, finespun wit, you won't want to not go to www.humor-blogs.com (and rate me, natch) or www.humorbloggers.com (and leave me glowing reviews, obvs).

So I Guess There's More Than One Way To Skin A Dead Squirrel

I stopped by Rick's Custom Squirrel Taxidermy Services earlier today, as one tends to do when one has a dead squirrel laying around that they're not sure what to do with. Or when one is looking for a dead squirrel with which to do things. Or when one just wants to see how much a dead squirrel is going for these days.

And man, did I ever hit the jackpot.

For example, you can get a stuffed squirrel made to look like he's just nonchalantly climbing up your wood panelling, like this awesome little fella here.


Obviously, he's perfect for any kitchen or bathroom. Hell, get one for your kitchen and one for your bathroom. Really impress your more discerning visitors.

Alternatively, you can buy a dead squirrel stuffed to look like he's climbing down the outside of your house, as squirrels tend to constantly do.


Just imagine; you can glue him straight onto your trailer, right outside your front door, and thoroughly charm all the postmen, Jehova's Witnesses, and bounty hunters that I'd be willing to bet stop by your abode more often than regularly.

For those of us who may want to own a dead squirrel, but don't want the hassel of owning a dead squirrel permanently attached to our wall, This next dead squirrel is for you.


Frozen in a permanent walnut-pondering state, this charming taxidermied rodent could really go anywhere in your home. I suppose. Within reason. Preferably out of the way. In a box in the closet. Or something.

If the aforementioned dead stuffed squirrels are too alive-looking for your tastes, well, dear Rick has kindly taken you lot into consideration as well. Behold, his specifically dead-looking dead stuffed squirrel:


It's just so realistically, wonderfully dead-looking! If your spouse doesn't come home and immediately become overwrought, aghast, alarmed, and perhaps even a touch nauseous, I'm pretty sure you'll get your money back. He's such a little treasure! Personally, I'd hang him above my headboard, just to, you know, set the mood and everything.

But this, my friends... this is a true masterpiece. This is an heirloom. This is undoubtedly the most awesome dead stuffed squirrel ever invented. And I know dead stuffed squirrels.


It almost seems a shame, killing the only known member of the Red Beret's extensively-trained and hugely-important tree-top killing machine only referred to in highly-confidential whispers as The Squirrel Brigade of Impending Doom, but hey, all's fair in love and war, and frankly, I love this.