I Think I Just Barfed A Little Bit In My Mouth.

I was curious, I admit, when I saw this fuzzy little thing in the "ceramic" section on ETSY.  Too curious.  Overly curious.  Regretfully curious.  Because this fuzzy little thing isn't a needle-felted white poo like I had suspected.  Oh no.  That would have been almost acceptable.  This fuzzy little thing is a, oh god I can't even think about it.  I just can't.  This makes my stomach feel itchy.  Fuck me.  It's a ceramic dog covered with glued-on dog hair.

That's right.  Some lady sculpted a "dog (?)" out of who the hell knows what, and then hot-glue-gunned her dog's hair all over it.   HER DOG'S HAIR.  And let's not forget the little red bow that really brings it all together.  Because nothing says "gluing your dog's hair all over an unfortunate ceramic object is perfectly normal and not at all deeply nauseating" like an adorable gingham bow.  Hurl.

It Pains Me To Think There May Have Been More Than Two Entrants...

Apparently third place was a used Q-tip stapled to a oily sock. With a dead kitten inside.

And just a side-note:  I've officially never seen the term "amateur" used so flatteringly.  I can think of lots of words to describe this tomfuckery, but "amateur" isn't one of them.  I think the word "amateur" still denotes a certain level of aptitude, or a least a person giving half a rat's ass, neither of which are attributes I could honestly level at this artistic genius.

Yes. An Adult Made This. Proudly.

 

My understanding is that wine coolers had nothing to do with this.  So there's really no excuse.

Seriously - What's Going On With All The Angry Jesuses?

And where would we be in this most festive of seasons, my kind and gentle readers, without the obligatory Angry Felt Tortilla Jesus?  Nowhere, I tell you.  Nowhere.

It's Going to be a White Christmas After All! A White, Powdery, Possibly Illegal Christmas.

I have big news, everyone!  It's our birthday!  Believe it or not, Homemade Hilarity has been spewing vitriol, darkening doorways, and making crafters cry tears of spite for an entire year now.  What a wonderful achievement!  I feel like I've really done something to, you know, to like, better society and shit. So pass me a tall warm glass of Champale cause I'm gonna celebrate!

To help ring in a brand new holiday season, and to commemorate HH's milestone, I've compiled a simple guide to creating your very own elegant, classy, young-Hollywood-chic Christmas (brought to you by ETSY!).  You know, for when you want to feel like you're really living the high-life of all the Winehouses and Hiltons out there, but can't afford to splash out on real cocain and herpes, Homemade Hilarity is here to help.  Because we love you.

Rule 1: Don't bother buying a Christmas tree.  Seriously.  Just don't bother.  You'll only get tangled in the strings of lights in one of your nightly drunken stupors and wake up wrapped around a spruce with your pants round your knees and your jingle bells in an awkward situation.  Instead, just chop some springs off your neighbor's juniper, shove them into a toilet paper tube, and sprinkle some of your leftover crack dust over the whole mess and call it a day.  Otherwise, you could just buy this fine specimen from ETSY for $32.  Either way.

Rule 2: Buy lots of these "Silver Japanese Maple" (wink wink) ornaments.  And hang them EVERYWHERE.  Everywhere.  Because they're elegant.  And tooootally representative of your love for "Silver Japanese Maple" leaves.  Yes.  That's right.  Maple leaves.  Non-smokeable Maple leaves.

Rule 3: Dig out all of your used pipe cleaners (and I know you have lots of used pipe cleaners) and get to work.  With a lot of old pipe cleaners, and only a little bit of talent, you, too can create this beautiful, uh, thing.  This $7 thing.  Mouse ... I'm told it's a mouse. This lovely $7 mouse.

Rule 4:  Lastly, do whatever you can to get your hands on this season's Lindsay Lohan snowman figurine!  From the "snow" on her nose to her emaciated frame, this is sure to be a hit with all the deluded starlets this holiday season.  For only $65, this anorexic trippy-eyed treat should take pride-of-place on any cigarette-stained mantle or glass-topped coffee table.

Hope this guide will be of some help, all you crazy hipster kids out there.  Just, you know, enjoy Christmas responsibly.  Don't drink and drive and all that.  And lay off the wacky tobaccy.  And crack is whack.  And stay in school.  Hugs, not drugs, kids.

Also, feel free to send birthday presents!  We love birthday presents!  We also love posting birthday presents! Presents sent to us in the form of fun pictures! We love posting them with links back to the birthday present picture sender!  (not so subtle wink wink).

Note The Tasteful Use of Empty Bud Light Cans.

If this doesn't constitute animal cruelty, I suspect not much does.

Although, in a "that dog is totally going to kill its owner in the middle of the night" kinda way, this is almost kinda awesome.


Hi redditers! If you like this, follow me here or on facebook! Check the right-hand link bar. Lots of extra pics get put up on the facebook page, and of course, new posts daily here on homemadehilarity.com

They Do Say Whales Evolved From A Bear-Like Animal.

So evidently this week is "what the hell did you knit" week here at homemade hilarity. Which was unplanned, to be honest (and so was Jesus, so I don't want to hear it), but I'm gonna roll with it while I can.

Today's little gem comes from Etsy. Shocking, I know.

And yes, they're a couple of MerBears. That's right. MerBears. Mer...Bears. Knitted MerBears. Knitted button-eyed MerBears. Knitted, button-eyed, multicolour MerBears. With flippers.

Flippered MerBears.

Who knew.

Is This a Viral PSA Announcement And Nobody Told Me?

Well, the dude seems fine, apart from being indoctrinated into the Eagles. The girlette, on the other hand, seems to have suffered a stroke. A severe, severe stroke. A stroke only Picasso could love.

When Cats Say "Fuck You"

You know those stories about cats suffocating babies and throwing up in shoes and biting off the lips of their owners while they're sleeping? Well, I think I know why. And I have photographic evidence.

The Look On His Face Says It All. Srsly.

In the absence of a lengthy post today, I'm just going to post this redonculous tomfuckery.

Now discuss.

How To Set Yourself Up For A Plea Of Insanity. One Step At A Time.

I'm going to take you on a journey today, folks. A journey into the deliciously magical, fantastically whimsical, and dangerously insane world of the freelance crapft tutorialist. These people exist in a strange, strange world wherein they believe that 1) they have talent, 2) their talent is so exceptional that it must be shared and 3) the sharing of said talent is going to be so difficult for mere mortals to understand that a step-by-step tutorial is an absolute necessity. Unfortunately, these crazies are wrong on all three counts. Especially the part about talent. And needing to share it.

For example, I recently came across this brilliant masterpiece of an artistic tutorial on CutOutAndKeep.net entitled, optimistically, Rock Frog. This work of sheer genius is so overwhelmingly clever, so startlingly well-crafted, you'll have to do your best to keep up. Especially at step 2. Which is why I've added my own commentary in red. Enjoy the excellence.

Rock Frog Tutorial

(You better believe this fronting picture sucked me in.)

Step 1

Paint the rock green (or any color your want your frog to be)

(If you're seeing a rock anywhere in this picture, let me know. All I'm seeing is a moldy squashed marshmallow in the foreground. Next to a green puddle. And a CD.)

Step 2

Cut the pipe cleaner in half and shap them into legs by bending the right end back then up at angle then down at an angle about an inch over and then bend at an angle forward and twist it back and then around the edge of the foot. Repeat to make the legs for the other side of the frog.

(Tip: Make sure to bend the legs at an angular angle before you bend them back and up at the upward angle before twisting them down and forward and back and back again after you angle them forward while bending them upward. Otherwise it might not work.)

Step 3

Glue the legs on to the bottom of the frog.

(Ehm. Yes. Attach mangled pipecleaners to painted rock. It should, at this point, look kind-of roughly like a miniature green poo with a fuzzy green hat. We're almost done.)

Step 4

Glue the eyes on the frog and draw on a mouth (and warts on the back if you would like) with the black marker and spray with clear acrylic paint and allow to dry (this was done before I put him outside, but the picture did not turn out).

(Wow. Just wow. Understatement of the year, there, Captain fucking obvious. Way to go.)



On a side note.... The winners of our "what the hell is this" competition have been finalized! While many of you were close, Carla was the closest with "horrifically deformed fertility doll," so she gets a gold star, as do Sarah and DH for coming up with the most creative answer: "some sort of jock cup that comes with matching underpants that you can button it into." Cause that's just hilarious. And needs to be invented. If you want to see the original listing, click here!

And for Carla, Sarah, and DH, go on peeps and claim your prize!:

You Wouldn't Believe It If I Told You

In honor of lazyness, exhaustion, and all that is insane, today's post is a "What The Fuck Is This" competition. Soo... what the hell do you think this is? Post answers in the comments. The closest or funniest answer will get their weblink posted tomorrow or the next day! Good luck!


Thanks to Patty G for sending this in! (so, no, Patty, you do not get a guess. I know. Life's hard.)

You Say It's a Pencil Case. I Say It's Shit.

Sometimes the issue with crapfts isn't the effort put into them. Sometimes the issue isn't the crapftsmanship involved. Sometimes the issue isn't with the usefulness of said crapft. Sometimes the issue is that they're simply mislabeled.


This, for example, is labled as "The Cutest Pencil Case".

Which, obviously, is misleading.

Significantly.



source: cutoutandkeep.net

btw... homemadehilarity on facebook hasn't been showing up properly on this page recently... click here to join! It's free! It's fun! It's awesome! It's interactive! It'll make you sexy and irresistable to the opposite sex! It's almost as good as the wolf and moon t-shirt! Seriously! It'll get you laid! I almost swear to god! SRSLY!!111