Sometimes The Posts Write Themselves

So what is this, then? Why, it's a piece of crap on a chain. Literally as well as figuratively. So that's special. In fact, it's $40 worth of special. Or, at least $40 worth of crap on a chain.

Something about a turd and whether or not you can polish it.

I had to stare at this one for a little while, and I can assure you its only a shiny malformed representation of a decapatated cat on a necklace.

Of course.

Even better than the fact that this crafter has made a sweaty amputated cat head pendant, though, is the description:

"Bear caused a small spill today at the candy factory in Animini City. Sweetkins Avenue was flooded with fairy dust and melted milk chocolate, the resulting chaos turned the Animini workers into candies!

They aren't edible, but they look it!"

ETSY: allowing crafters to sell polished brown lumpy items since 2005.

Perfect With That Little Red Dress

You know, I found this picture like a month ago and I thought something was just off about the whole thing. I couldn't quite put my finger on it at the time, but something just struck me as, well, off-putting. Off-putting, and yet, somehow oddly familiar. Oddly familiar, and yet, strangely unpleasant. Strangely unpleasant, and yet, well, strangely unpleasant.

And then, this morning I awoke, took a cold hard look at it, and suddenly knew exactly what was wrong: It looks like a tampon. It looks like a tampon with a blue beaded holster. It looks like a tampon with a blue beaded holster that is meant to be worn around the neck, as jewelery. And there it is. It's a beaded tampon necklace. Which is, inherently, lol-worthy.

It Looks Vaguely Surprised. As Am I.

I call this beauty the "asshole necklace". Excuse me if I don't elaborate.

It's A Bit Unsettling, Let's Be Honest

"What is this necklace made out of" you ask?
"Why, bobcat, of course" I respond.
"Bobcat" you ask?
"Yes, bobcat." I respond.
"What do you mean, bobcat" you ask?
"I mean, this necklace is made out of freaking bobcat. It is bobcat. As in, the necklace... it is bobcat." I respond.
"So those are..." you lead.
"Yes, those are bobcat bones" I respond.
"And that is.." you ask?
"Yes, that is a bobcat tooth" I respond.
"Is it..." You lead.
"Yes... It is real." I respond. "And that is apparently all you need to know."

source

Tonight's Nightmares On Me, Free of Charge

I can't quite put my finger on why, but this picture of a crafter and their new necklace scares the living bejeezus out of me.

Terrifying.

More Effective Than a Chastity Belt

While I'm all for immortalizing the miracle of pregnancy via a shiny, silver, silhouetted pendant, I am decidedly not all for making said pendant resemble the newest addition to Damien Hirst's "Distinctly Damien" jewellery line, nor, alternatively, a 50-style diagram of what a knocked-up, limb-deficient 5-year-old girl looks like.

Seriously though, the lack of appendages is almost more distracting than the foetus hatching inside her upper intestine. Almost.

How To Turn Someone Off From 50 Feet Away

You know, I was looking for a way to cheaply and hideously remind anyone with eyeballs that I suffer from "cold sores" and extremely chapped and bloody lips to a magnitude heretofore unseen, just so, you know, they'll never forget. Ever.


This should do quite nicely.

I'll Take Alan Rickman For The Win

So apparently, I'm still getting traffic to this site from people looking for Alan Rickman. I would make fun of these obsessive loons, but hey, the heart wants what the heart wants. Besides, who am I to deny these strange, wandering souls the sexy of the Rickman? Speaking of which:


I'm so glad this artist managed to find such a handsome portrait of Alan Rickman to use as the focal point for this stunning piece of jewellery. Truly, Sir Rickman has never looked better. His enviably pale, sickly pallor and sultry, sunken, come-hither eyeballs really make me shudder with delight. And that sneer! Ooh, that sensual, disgruntled grimace of disdain is enough to make any girl, and even some men, positively slack-jawed with unease. And luckily, according to the jeweller:
"He's been sealed with a few coats of glossy varnish so that all his sexiness STAYS sexy!!!"


And this, my friends, is what Alan Rickman would look like if he were a fish with the face of Alan Rickman. Because why the hell not.