When is a sock not a sock?

When it's sewn shut, given a Hot-Topic arm-band neck, had its "Hello Kitty" insignias used as eyeballs, and being sold for $20 on Etsy. Then it's just a piece of shit.

I'm Drunk And Swear-y. Watch out.

Good golly.

I oftentimes (isn't that a good word) resist in posting pictures of sock monkeys, as they, as far as I understand, are intentionally goofy and home-ec-y (again, isn't that a good word). That is, until I was sent this fine specimen of a sock-monkey by a reader. And what a specimen it is. Not only is it bizarrely armless, but it is also extremely badly-made. Which is a feat unto itself, considering how low the bar was already set. Because it's a freaking sock-monkey. So, uh, way to go, crappy-sock-monkey-creator. Now you have a claim to fame.

Thanks to melanie skiver for sending this in!

Also, I got another award! Thanks to The Fox Den for my shiny new addition to my already over-laden mantelpiece:

Thanks, fox den! I'm glad I'm addictive. Like heroin. Or meth. Or gambling. Or sex with underage Thai male prostitutes. Or your mom.

And, finally, I have a winner for the last competition. Well, multiple winners, really. A couple people guessed the right answer, Bob Dylan, but there were some really funny answers as well which I think it's only fair that I award. So, rock out, I guess. Here are the winners:

Nooter: for being hilarious, as always.
Eye love: for being correct, at least 50% of the time
MABJewelry: for guessing Bea Arthur
and Me-Me King: for also being correct.

Here's the award! You lot earned it!

Redefining Cuteness and Socks

This is described as a "cute knitted puppet".

I will stipulate to "knitted". But I object -- strenuously -- to both "cute" and "puppet".

A vaguely obloid shape into which you can insert your hand does not a "puppet" define, even with that oh-so-convincing cheeky grin and the thousand-yard green-baize stare. My oven-mitt makes a more convincing puppet, and it doesn't have a face. And I don't even own an oven-mitt.

Our second dactylo-craft puzzles the shit out of me:


This is the "Living Dead Sock Glove" (which would match so well with my "Zombie Trouser Hat" and "Vampire Sweater Shoes").

Leaving aside my prejudice against BUTTONS for EYES (even for depictions of the undead), this is, bottom line, a glove made from a sock and transformed into a puppet.

So is it a glove puppet or a sock puppet? There would be a fascinating symantic and philosophical discussion to be had there, I'm sure, if it were not for the unavoidable fact that it is in any case useless as a puppet.

Here are some of the instructions that caused my confusion:

1. Cut the toe and leg part off a sock but leave some of the elastic part from the leg part.

2. Now cut a piece of the heel side for your thumb. Don't worry if it's too big. You can sew it up after. In fact you'll more than likely have to take in the sock from that side to better fit the contours of your hand anyway.

3. Now on the toe end sew the sock together in three spots to create four holes for your fingers.

Right. Alternatively - and here's the thing - just use a freaking GLOVE in the FIRST place.


G. Henry