If we had to come to a decisive consensus, as a people, on what the most evil shoe is, I think we all know what it would be.
High heel crocs, no brainer. Just as we react with innate fear and revulsion to darkness and snakes, a cultural genetic memory leads us inescapably towards the conclusion that high heel crocs are a shameful nadir in human civilization.
But what is the most evil hat? I would argue that it is the knitted cloche cap, and my proof is in the handmade pudding called etsy. KNITTED CLOCHES MAKE PEOPLE HATE THEIR LIVES. If you don't believe me just check out all these poor souls:
"I wonder what my high school boyfriend is doing now. Sigh, he's probably dead."
"Did I remember to turn the gas off before I left the house? Sigh, if my house blows up then at least I won't have to live in this town anymore."
"I wish I knew where my dog is. Sigh, he usually comes back home before bedtime and it's so lonely in the apartment without him."
"I just killed my neighbor's dog. Yeah, you heard me. I'm not sorry I did it, merely that I could not join him in escaping this meaningless flesh-parade we call life. "
"Where am I? Why do I feel so depressed? Did... did..."
"Did someone just put a knitted cloche on my head? What is on my head? Oh jesus, get it off me, get it off me."I mean, is it even possible to find someone on Etsy wearing a knitted cloche and not looking utterly, shockingly miserable?
Oh good.
If you like living dangerously, take your Wellbutrin and head over to ishton.etsy.com or brickandwool.etsy.com for some of these handmade joy-killers.
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