Mrs. Winehouse Has Never Looked Finer. Or Healthier.

So here I was today, minding my own business, surfing my own internets, when what do I see in front of me but an article written by The Daily Mail about knitting. I know, I know. To be fair, and to put it in perspective, it was about knitted celebrities. And it was hilarious. And maybe a little bit traumatic. A little bit hilarious and a little bit traumatic. (Which, ironically enough, sums up The Daily Mail quite eloquently.) And, after much chortling and guffawing and pointing spasmically at the knitted Barry White, I decided it would be cruel not to re-post some of the finer specimens. Enjoy.

I Don't Even Know What Happened To It, Either

To be fair, I think I might be a tad surprised as well if I found out my nose had been sliced off with what would appear to be the craftsmanship of a dull butterknife. Shocked, even. So I feel her on this one.

And It's Not Even a Toilet Roll Cover

Maybe it's the freakishly large head. Maybe it's the freakishly small hands. Maybe it's the complete lack of the lower half of her body, or the unexplainable blue beaded tit she seems to be proudly and emphatically emerging from. Maybe it's because she makes me want to sing "the hiiiills are aliiiiive, with the sound of uuuuuugly." Or maybe, just maybe, it's because it appears the whole lower half is held together with large safety pins.

Or, you know, maybe it's all of the above, but I just can't bring myself to believe this is worth $20. Or the crafter's dignity.

Prima Loofahrina

Have we really dredged the bottom of the barrel in terms of things to make into dolls? I mean, okay, corn husks are a classic. Fine, tube socks are soft and they do make a quality monkey. Alright, even the occasional nylon stocking filled with sand will be allowed through. But wooden spoons and loofahs? I am drawing a line in the stocking-covered sand. No more, I say! I'm instituting a doll version of Obama's Put America to Work Plan, where spoon dolls are conscripted to stir soup, nylon and sock dolls have feet stuck up in their business, and rag dolls get attached to the nearest Swiffer, Master-Blaster style, and wiped across our national doorway lintels.

I mean, a spoon and a loofah? Can you come up with a worse material for a doll? Can you?



Oh, girlfriend no. You look like you have some major artistic ability going on there, so stop making dolls out of paper cups you dug out of the cafeteria's recycle bin and get thee to an art school posthaste.

Dollface

Judging from their terrified expressions I can only assume the secret doll dialogue goes something like this:

Doll 1 : AHHH HOLY CRAP WE'RE DOLLS
Doll 2: AGGGHHHHHHH
Doll 1: AHHH WE'RE ANATOMICALLY CORRECT NAKED DOLLS
Doll 2: AHHGHH
Doll1: WAIT, WHY WERE WE MADE ANATOMICALLY CORRECT?
Doll 2: AHHHHHHH

She'll Steal Your Soul and Then Steal Your Banana

Nobody has ever needed to own anything as much as I need to own this. Immediately.
I don't know if it's an alien, and I don't know if it's a doll, but I'm pretty sure it's a monkey. A monkey with a dress. And matching bloomers. And it looks like it can set something on fire just by looking at it. And that's awesome enough for me.

Good Golly Miss Molly

Note to crafters: When you find yourself turning your mom's kitchen curtains into an oversized floral bonnet for your mildly-retarded looking plastic doll, it's time to put down the wine coolers and back away slowly from the sewing machine.



That's right, Rhonda, I'm talking to you.

On a different note, this site was recently featured in The Times, Acadania's weekly newspaper! Yay for Louisianaianans!