I.. uhm.. Don't Even Know Where To Go With This One

So I was just innocently looking up apple recipes on the internet, and this one cought my eye. Dear god, how I wish there were a photo:

APPLE CINNAMON COOKIE DOUGH

Ingredients:

• 1 cup ground cinnamon
• 1 cup applesauce
• 1/4 cup white school glue (optional)

Directions:

1. Add the cinnamon to the applesauce until you get a clay-like consistency.
2. You may add glue for added thickness.
3. Once the dough is mixed, create shapes with your hands or roll the dough out and use cookie cutters.
4. Add glitter for fun!
5. Let the dough dry.

PLEASE, dear readers, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. Or if you do, I heartily suggest you opt-out of the glue and glitter. Or at least the glue. Shitting glitter could be fun on the weekends.

Seriously, though, these sound like horrible cookies.

Hello! Julia's invited me on board, and I have to say, I couldn't be happier. It's time the earnest and unassuming people of the world finally got what's coming to them. And that what's is AN APOCALYPSE OF SCORN, yeaaah. Knit yourself a scorn cozy.

Actually the truth is I have actually opened an etsy store of my own recently, and really embraced the handmade lifestyle. It's been an adjustment for sure. Selling crafts on Etsy is the most girly thing I've ever done in my life, and that includes menstruation. So clearly, while I am forced to be mostly earnest in my business dealings, I desperately need an outlet for these toxic levels of snark I am carrying. Hence: invited.

So check this out.


For Sale: beautiful sterling silver hostessing platter, hand-smelted by master artisans in the 17th century
Minor Damage: three and a half terrifying gingermutants. have tried scraping them, burning them, and dashing them with holy water. will not leave platter. on the plus side, the one with the sideburns and the firecrotch looks like Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords.
Price: I will pay you to take it away from me.