I watch too much Intervention

"I don't know what the problem is, I put the chemical formula you gave me in the spoon and I cooked it up, but no meth came out... Amphetamines are so complicated! I'm going back to huffing."

(Actually that is the molecular formula for sugar, a spoonful of it, which is a pretty cute and geeky idea--too bad it makes you look like a crackhead from a distance.)

@Internetz Necklaze 2.0 (beta) Superhighway

I picture a well-meaning grandma wearing this.

"My grandson calls all his computer-friends this word, he calls them nubs. I just want to be nubs with my grandson, he's such a good boy and we hardly ever see each other! I think we are going to get ice cream cones and then go out powning later in the afternoon. I've been led to believe it's some new form of skateboarding! I'm going to wear my nub necklace when we go pown-boarding, he's going to be so proud to be seen in public with his Nana!"

Cookies Spilling Out of Every Cranny

Let's take off our sociological analysis hats, shall we, and not really delve too deeply into why the trend for draping yourself in plasticene junk food has exploded in the midst of slavering media coverage of the so-called obesity epidemic. As far as we here at the HoHil are concerned, people (girls) just love building tiny cupcakes and cookies out of silly putty and stuffing them into their ears, hairdo's, charm bracelets, trapper keepers, and purses. No deeper socio-epidemiological reasons!

And yet... When the only crevice you will not try to shove a cake into is your mouth (which is, after all, the officially designated "cakehole"), does that qualify as an eating disorder? Maybe it's an eating disorder in the same way that Ted Striker had a "drinking problem" in the movie Airplane!--he just couldn't seem to get the drinks into his drinkhole.

Anyway, long story short, putting my own feminist analysis aside, since brevity is the soul of wit... I'll just say: these fake-cookie necklaces look like straight up finger-molded baby-doods.

Choose your own snarkventure

1. Halloween has officially run out of "Sexy ____" costumes when we are forced to witness "Sexy Bodybuilding Hair Stylist".

OR

2. If you had to pick one thing to purchase in this picture--one thing only now, none of this wishing-for-three-more-wishes business--would it be... the romantic attentions of a beautiful model? A pair of super cute red heels? A fully-stocked set of free weights with matching bench? Fashionable and eye-catching neon legwarmers? A big saggy chain covered in used plastic hair-rollers? Now let's all form a circle, put our thinking caps on, and brainstorm about which of those things this picture was supposed to sell.