Tuesday 12 May 2009

An Open Letter


This is an open letter to anyone planning on getting married. Ever.

(Please excuse the all-caps. I am not yelling, I am just typing loudly.)

Dear unmarried peoples of the world:

CAMO IS NOT AN OPTION FOR YOUR WEDDING FINERY. AT LEAST, IT SHOULDN'T BE. IT IS INAPPROPRIATE. INAPPROPRIATE, I TELL YOU, UNLESS YOU PLAN ON HUNTING DOWN AND KILLING YOUR SPOUSE AT THE RECEPTION AND YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO SEE YOUR GARTER BELT COMING. IN WHICH CASE, YOU SHOULD ALSO CONSIDER RUBBING YOURSELF DOWN WITH THEIR URINE FIRST, WHICH WILL, I'M TOLD, MASK YOUR OWN ODOR LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO GET RIGHT UP BEHIND THEM SO YOU CAN GET A CLEAR SHOT. THAT IS THE ONLY SITUATION IN WHICH CAMOUFLAGE WEDDING ACCESSORIES ARE IN ANY WAY ACCEPTABLE. DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THEY ARE HIDEOUS.

DESPITE WHATEVER THIS SITE MAY HAVE YOU BELIEVE.

Thanks for listening. It needed to be said.

Love always,
JuliaD

p.s.: shit-coloured roses probably aren't the best idea either, just so you know.
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10 comments:

  1. feefifoto12 May 2009 at 17:14

    What's really sobering about this collection is that the site is called "Impressions Are Everything"

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  2. Me-Me King12 May 2009 at 18:19

    I've seen this hideous theme several times on CMT's, My Redneck Wedding. I'm thinkin', being a toothless wonder is a prerequisite for this wedding attire.

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  3. Julia D12 May 2009 at 18:30

    @ me-me: toothless wonder. lol! :)

    @ feefifoto: I couldn't agree more! So bizarre. And tacky, so tacky.

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  4. obladi oblada12 May 2009 at 18:42

    LOL. What terrifies me is that I can close my eyes and actually SEE the people who would wear this, and I think I work with them.

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  5. ReformingGeek12 May 2009 at 18:47

    Yeah. The happy couple might poke each other's eyes out with that pen.

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  6. Mama Needs a Cosmo13 May 2009 at 05:24

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!! The ad says, "You definitely won't want to hide these beautiful pieces."

    Uh. Isn't the WHOLE POINT with camouflage to stay hidden? Just sayin'.

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  7. Alaska-womom13 May 2009 at 05:45

    Sometimes I wonder if you can run out of F.S. to write about-then I log on and again, you have me laughing.
    Thanks.
    P.S. My hubby did serenade me with a duck call once-he didn't shoot me though-good thing!

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  8. Meg14 May 2009 at 15:13

    I'm the odd one out here, but the camouflage theme totally sums up my marriage.

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  9. Bev15 May 2009 at 09:12

    completely enjoyed your post. Thanks for the damn good laugh.

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  10. Kate808521 May 2009 at 14:49

    I am laughing my ass off over here..I moved to Kentucky a couple of years ago, and this is considered HIGH CLASS! (or High Flutin' if you prefer, they don't use "G's" on the end of words.)
    Thanks for makin(g) my day! Hilarious!

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